Thursday, 24 November 2011

Me. According to my friends....

Sometimes in life we need to hear good things about ourselves. It seems all to easy to focus on the bad stuff and in my case learning to take a compliment is something I am still working on.

A good friend recently told me that if I can't see good things in myself I should ask my friends what they like about me.

So I did.

Now I am writing them here not because I am big headed, but simply so they are written down and no matter what I can't change that. It is written fact. Maybe even now written in stone?

ME: "Ok this may seem like a crazy question but following some advice about learning to love myself a bit more, I thought I would ask my closest friends what they like about me....Sorry if this seems weird but those who under the concept of "Emmaism" will understand this completely."

FRIEND A: "This text just made me so happy, glad your taking my advice! Righty, So here's a few reasons why I think Em is great but bullet points don't really convey the fact that she is ace overall! So here goes...
1) Her complete refusal to give up on you as a friend. However, inept, haphazard and sometimes just plain unfeeling you may have been in the past.
2) Her protecting and cocooning nature and attitude with you if she sees you can't cope with much at the moment.
3) Her tell it like it is attitude.
4) You can trust her with anything!
P.S I don't fancy you by the way!! ;)

FRIEND B: I love the "roll your sleeves up and get stuck in" attitude, even if that involves rolling around in the mud. I love the person who can make anyone feel better about anything when they are feeling crappy. I love your laughter, remember that day on Hyde Park? When we lay on the grass and laughed till we made ourselves sick? That was fun and just plain happiness without props! I don't even know what we were laughing at now!

FRIEND C: You are fun loving, honest, caring and simply beautiful on the inside and out. You always listen and offer great advice. You are reliable and trustworthy! A perfect friend and I'm lucky to have you!

FRIEND D: I love that you say it like it is. You are honest and not two faced, You are giving, always supportive in a crisis and bloody impossible sometimes! But I love you anyway!

FRIEND E: You're honest, loyal, totally hilarious and ALWAYS fun to be with.

FRIEND F: I like you're loyalty to your friends, you're always smiling, you're honest even about your faults. I love your Emmaisms (like this one). You're helpful to others, you give amazing advice, you are just plain nice to be around.

FRIEND G: You're funny, cheerful, outgoing and always up for a laugh and that is just a few....

FRIEND H: Right here is my list about my favourite things about you...
1. You're a really good listener.
2. You give killer advice and you are always completely honest.
3. You have the most infectious laugh of out of everyone I know.
4. You're loyal.
5. I can sit with you for hours and put the world to rights because you put me completely at ease.
6.When you care about someone you can see past their bad points.
7. You have great hair. Bitch.
8. You love the arts and anyone who sees the beauty in the world is great in my book.
9. You love a good boogie and a singsong.
10. You're not afraid to show your sensitive side, even though you are the strongest person I know.

ME: Maybe they know something I don't???

Sunday, 20 November 2011

Can I ever learn to

Maybe I use this blog as a sounding board for all the thoughts that go through my head? I think I write things on here that I can't really tell those around me. Maybe it makes for depressing reading but if no one actually reads it then I am not hurting anyone....right?

Following advice from my friend, which basically translated to "I need to learn to love myself more" I have decided that I am going to have a good think about all the things that I like about myself. I plan to consider whether I would like too be friends with me and what needs to be changed in my attitude towards myself and those around me that with hopefully lead to a happier future.

This may take sometime....

Thursday, 17 November 2011

Learn to Love Yourself.....

I met up with one of my closest friends last night. She is someone who sees the good in everyone, someone who wants to heal the world and all who are in it. She knows all my deepest secrets and still loves me for it.

We started talking about things that had moved us recently. I told her I had read the first few chapters of "One Day" and how there was a paragraph in it that could have been written just for me! It even had my name printed in black and white on the page. It was like a slap in the face. I cried when I read it.

"Here it is. I think you're scared of being happy, Emma. I think you think that the natural way of things is your life to be grim and grey and dour and to hate your job, hate where you live, not to have success or money or God forbid a boyfriend! In fact I'll go further and say that I think you actually get a kick out of being disappointed and under-achieving because it easier, isn't it? Failure and unhappiness is easier because you can make a joke out of it. Is this annoying you? I bet it is."

My friend read it with a smile and insisted that I love myself more. She sent me away with the name of a book and a page number, she told me I had to start saying a particular paragraph to myself. When I found the book, "Eat, Pray, Love" page number 57 and read the paragraph I totally understood the point she was trying to make. I cried. Again.

(Main character talking to herself)
"I'm here. I love you. I don't care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it. I will love you through that as well. If you don't need the medication, I will love you, too. There's nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than depression and braver than loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.

She is a good friend that one.

Thursday, 10 November 2011

Discussion Time.

"There's no aphrodisiac like innocence..."

Agree or Disagree?

Sunday, 28 August 2011

Life update....

I probably should be in bed, after all I am back to work tomorrow after three weeks off!! However, I haven't written anything in ages so I thought I better write a quick "life update."

You would think with 3 whole lovely weeks off work that I had been away on holiday or doing something exciting.... but no just sorting out my life, the lives of my friends, falling out with one friend and making up with another.....Mainly though I have been bogged down with this bloody essay!! Anyone want to write 2,500 words on learning styles?...."No" you say??
What on earth made me go back to uni now?? Not the best plan I ever had, but necessary! Who needs a degree anyway?? Me, obviously.

Excitingly though I maybe buying a house! It's nice, but not really in the area I wanted though....Maybe a bit to close to my parents (as in round the corner) but considering my mum is going to be my "partner" in the mortgage I can't complain!

Does this mean I am a proper grown up type now then or is that when I get excited about going hoover shopping???

Will see what happens on Wednesday when I make my offer....

Anyway, I had better get to bed. Will see what tomorrow brings? Good stuff I hope!

Night, Night xxx

Friday, 12 August 2011

I blame Disney...

There is something fundamentally wrong about toys in paddling pools......Especially when they are Buzz and Woody!

There I was minding my own business when I noticed next doors paddling pool (minus children) complete with Buzz and Woody floating face down!
I was concerned.
I was concerned that I was concerned, but they remained there all day....

Honestly, I was tempted to mount a rescue, jump the fence and save them in a blaze of glory.....After all everyone knows that Buzz and Woody aren't really toys, but real people with personalities and the coincidental voices of Hollywood megastars...

I watched them float around all day. Until to my relief they were rescued.... Buzz was given a good shake to knock off the water and taken inside, but Woody was hung on the washing line to dry.... For three whole days!
An excessively long time I feel.
Again, I was concerned.
I was concerned that I was concerned.
I blame Disney......

Poor Woody.

Saturday, 11 June 2011

Meet Alice.

Sometimes you read a blog that truly moves you, one that makes you realise your posts are just mindless waffle.

This is Alice.

She is 15 and has terminal cancer.

She started writing her blog for her family, to share with them her bucket list.... and the world went crazy.

Check it out.

Thursday, 9 June 2011

(Repost) Twenty Facts about Me...

"One of the most difficult things is not to change society but to change yourself" Nelson Mandela.
1. I am 29 Years Old....I have no boyfriend, no children and I still live with my parents (but saving to buy my own place).
2. I am well traveled. I have camped in a tent on the Serengeti.

3. I have nearly died (Twice) Once when I was 6 months old and once when I was 10 years old.....You would think I would appreciate life more.

4. I have never had a man love me back.

5. My favourite person in the world is my Nana...She loves me unconditionally.

6. I love to be creative but rarely am....I love painting and photography.

7. I can sing.....well....but no one knows.

8. I still suck my thumb...

9. I am a nurse....I have stuck my finger in places that would make you feel sick.

10. Men make me nervous.

11. I have never had a one night stand.

12. Sometimes I feel so lonely I think I have burnt a hole in my chest.

13. I secretly wish I was the leading lady in a musical.

14. I think I may have taken the wrong path in life.

15. I avoid people with children because I want them so badly, but I think I never will.

16. I have the best family in the world.

17. I have lost more friends in the last year than I care to count.

18. At night I stick pillows in my back so I feel like someone is cuddling up to me....

19. I am a couch potato.

20. I think & love far too much.

Thursday, 2 June 2011

Changing Room Etiquette..

I went back to the gym today for the first time after my night shifts finished and oh did my eyes bleed....

Honestly, I always thought there was some kind of unspoken changing room etiquette that is instilled in you from a very young age, like the rules for boys at urinals....You know..."NEVER make eye contact" "NEVER use the empty urinal next to someone else if there is another one free" etc. Maybe its just my Englishness? After all everyone knows that Germans are excessively naked, but I am English and therefore I expect minimal nakedness in the changing room. Honestly those individuals who are excessively naked and proud, just kind of freak me out.

So there I was innocently drying my hair, when I couldn't help but notice the overly naked woman stepping out of the shower, towel in hand, heading right for me. When I say naked, I mean not a stitch, in the buff, I could see EVERYTHING and it wasn't a pretty sight....

Instinctively I looked away, but as she proudly marched around the changing room completely in the buff, it got me thinking....Do women get to a certain age and no longer care? Or is she just trying to screw with the minds of the young?
Like, "Take a long look bitch, this will be you in 50 years!"
Yes, it was an all female changing room, yes, we all have them and yes, I am a Nurse and therefore have seen naked bodies in all shapes and sizes....but this was just excessive, surely the towel she had in her hand would have been better around her body??

Ok, so women do to get their bits out to dry themselves, but isn't it the rule that you turn away from random strangers and avoid all eye contact??? Isn't it the rule that nakedness is acceptable while changing quickly, but wandering around the changing room for approximately 20 minutes, in the absolute buff is just plain weird??

Try as I might to avert my eyes, after seeing her wrinkly ass for approximately the fifth time in a very short space of time, that little voice inside me started to sound a little irate...Honestly Love, put some clothes on! Surely you have located your locker by now? Is it really necessary to walk back to the shower...again? Would you like me to show you what normal people do with towels on exiting the shower? Oh and you are aware there are children in here!...Right??

After I had dried my hair, got dressed and located my friend, we made a beeline for the door....
As we exited, a shiny white ass caught my eye as it wobbled past me (again).....
I so wanted to smack it!
How wrong am I!!

Wednesday, 1 June 2011

Wooton Bassett.

Sometimes you watch something on the television that turns you into a pathetic blubbering wreak. A shadow of your former self without any warning and it always occurs on the day you are out of tissues!

Last night was an example of that, the story on Wootton Basset, the small Wilshire Market Town that became the centre of national mourning at the loss of the UK's young service men and women in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Wooton Bassett is located close to RAF Lyneham, where the soldiers were repatriated. On the journey to the motorway and their hometowns, they were driven though the town centre. The story followed members of the Royal British Legion who decided to organise a small gathering of local people who wanted to pay their respects, which then turned to thousands and became the focus of a nation.

One story particularly got to me, it wasn't the families, their grief was obvious. It was the story of the quiet remembrance of an old solider who collected up the cards left by the families and created a book of remembrance. He cried as he showed it, telling stories of children who would grow up without their fathers. He explained "I didn't want them damaged, blown away or wet by the rain, so I put them in here." The front on the book read "WE WILL REMEMBER THEM" and I cried like a baby.

Apparently the town in now "Royal Wooton Bassett" an honour given by the Queen as thanks for the support the local people gave to the families of those fallen soldiers. In the words of Barack Obama "We want to honour our fallen warriors with the respect and gratitude they deserve, whether it be here or in the small town of Wootton Bassett. Where people line the streets in a solemn tribute that represents the best of British character."

I may have cried buckets, but for once I was proud to be British.

Monday, 30 May 2011

She smiles...

She smiles, as she is told "Don't worry, you will know when you meet the right person" Even though they are the 1000th person who has said that, yet she never has.

She smiles, as she watches others go on nights out, even when she knows they have "forgotten" to invite her.

She smiles, as she watches yet another person step on her heart without even realising.

She smiles, when she catches her brother out the corner of her eye kissing his girlfriend, knowing full well no one will ever love her that way.

She smiles, because she knows she should count her blessings.

She smiles, though she knows she is forgotten.

She smiles.

Thursday, 26 May 2011

Randomness of the week

This week I seem to have been privy to the most random of statements...

On Wednesday I was at work and checking a patients temperature. Its a simple task, a trained monkey could do it and it isn't hard to understand that someone is taking your temperature...or so I thought anyway. So there I was sticking my probe in the patients ear (not his bottom) and waiting for my little peep.

Suddenly the patient asked "So nurse, what's my ear pressure?"
With a smile I said " Ear pressure???"
Patient: "Yes, I'm my GP says its 170/90, that's high isn''t it?"
I could have explained his school boy error, that there is no such thing as "ear pressure" and he was actually talking about his blood pressure, but I have answered questions about blood pressure about 20,000 times and it was too funny to correct.
So I simply said "Sir, I am taking your temperature and that is fine. Your blood pressure was checked earlier and that was also fine."

Yesterday I walked into the staff room to this:

"Well, she hid in his skin, mated with his sister and then killed him!"

Honestly, I could have asked them what the f**k they were talking about, but I felt it was better to continue making my lunch and avoiding all potential eye contact! hehe!

Today, when watching TV with my friend she randomly asked me,

"So what do you think of peach for bridesmaids dresses??"

At this point I must point out that a) We had NOT been talking about weddings b) My friend is NOT engaged and c) She is NOT planning a wedding.
So with a sideways glance and a raised eyebrow and a giggle, I simply said "No comment!"

Love it xx

Wednesday, 25 May 2011


If you could be anyone, do anything or go anyway, what would you do and why??

Mine is not to travel or to be rich, my dream is to do something I love. My dream is totally selfish, but dreams are right?

Mine would be to be a leading lady on the West End. It's not the fame I seek, its just the love of singing and performance, something I never persuaded as a child due to lack of confidence.

Yesterday I went to watch Mamma Mia. It was simply fun, fun, fun!!

Some people have the best jobs, fancy messing around on stage all night, making people happy and having a laugh with your friends. I'm sure its not all wonderful, but it seems that way through my eyes.

How nice it would be to do a job you absolutely LOVED.
How nice it would be to know people went home smiling because of you, every night!

If only....

Thursday, 19 May 2011

Friendships Lost....

It seems to me that I do a really good job of losing friends. Over the years I seem to have lost endless amounts of friends I once cared about. I don't think I am that difficult to get along with, it just seems that people don't think as highly of me as I think (or thought) about them.

I don't think I ask a lot from my so called friends, maybe a text now and again to ask me how I am or maybe an invitation to something they are doing. In return they get a loyal friend, someone who would bend over backwards for them. Someone who would drop everything at a moments notice to be there for them.
A fair trade....Or so I thought.

A year ago I thought I had lots of friends. People who cared about me, people who wanted me to be happy and people I thought I would be friends with for a long time. Little did I know how everything could change. Although there are a few people I socialise with, I can count possibly two or three friends who I keep in regular contact with and only one friend who truly has time for me and who I tell everything to without being judged.

When I went travelling it was to make life better, now it seems I was out of site out of mind.
It was a shocking turn of events.

Don't get me wrong, I know people have lives, work, kids, etc...but once in a while it would be nice not be to be the one chasing everyone else for a little bit of attention. Just once it would be nice to think that someone has thought about me for a change and that I am important to them in some small way.

Maybe, I am difficult to like? Maybe this is all my fault? Maybe I am too nice to people and they think they can walk on me?

If only everything were easier.......

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

Stranger Danger!

It amazes me how many stories of randoms acting oddly towards my friend she has to tell...... Her latest tale I find possibly the most amusing.

There she was in the doctors waiting room, minding her own business, worrying about what the doctor would say, face stuck in a magazine, probably pretending she couldn't hear what was being said to the receptionist and ready to deny any medical knowledge at all... Then it happened.... She was "befriended" by a yellow man. When I say yellow, I mean alcoholic liver disease kind of yellow. The type of individual who if it wasn't considered rude in polite society, you would instantly and without question run a mile from......

Discrimination of his yellowness aside, the tattoo on his neck....of a skull and cross bones would have made any sensible girl run a mile, but not my friend... She remained polite, where I would have been defensive. Until it lead to the inevitable question.... The moment you bring a bit of sick up in your mouth....

I have warned her in the past about talking to strangers, especially those who are yellow.

Either way, there it was, before she could stop it, "Babe, can I take you out sometime? Maybe have your number???"

What was he thinking? Would they make beautiful yellow babies together?...

Obviously, she used the usual response.... "I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend"
To which he replied "All the good ones are taken...."

I laughed when she told me.

Monday, 16 May 2011

Laziness is next to Godliness.

I should have gone to the gym today. Actually I should have gone to a Zumba class, but instead I remained on our brand new comfortable sofa... watching crappy daytime telly.

That little voice inside my head told me often that I should "Go for a run"
Lazy Answer: "My knees hurt" I have done something to both my knees and I am currently walking around like I have had "a little accident" and walking downstairs now has sound effects..."Ouch, eee, oooh....."

I suppose there is always swimming?.....Low impact, apparently.
Lazy Answer: "I will have to wash my hair after and it takes ages to dry"

Ok, maybe I should walk the dog?.... It was a fleeting thought..... Did I go??? Obviously not.

Wow. I am good at this aren't I?? Lazy or what!

Its OK though, I can always go tomorrow...... Probably.

Sunday, 15 May 2011

When to stay away......

Can you judge someone on the decisions they make in their own lives? Even when you know it's the wrong one. Should you intervene at the risk of being accused of interfering, even if you would be stopping them from making what could be the worse mistake of their lives? Or do you just stand back, let them make their own decisions and be ready to pick up the pieces, even though you knew all along that it would end that way.....

What do you do when someone is insisting of putting a wrecking ball though their lives and hurting those who love them the most?....

Thursday, 12 May 2011

This one is for you....

"A True friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes, while everyone else believes the smile on your face." Unknown.

In life you meet people who are truly good people but don't seem to realise it themselves. People who are encouraging to all that you do and supportive from a far. I have a friend who this applies too.

Although she doesn't always see it, she makes a difference in her own small way that motivate others to be better people. She does not preach to you, or tell you that your way is wrong, she listens and quietly reflects. Then she makes her impact in small reserved ways, that unknowingly to her have the biggest impact.

One of my fondest memories of her took place on Christmas Eve a few years ago. She had invited me to a carol service by candlelight to which she was playing in the band. Her faith is what makes my friend the special person she is, and as the vicar read his sermons she began to cry. At first I was concerned, worried even, but following a discussion with a mutual friend it was explained to me that this was her own personal stress release and how her deep desire to be a better person was released in those tears. I suddenly realised that her release of emotion, though it may seem unusual showed what a truly good person she is and how much she cares about everything.

After that I saw her in a new light.

At the start of the year she decided to not buy any new clothes for a whole year. This was an ethical decision, one of many, she had read an article about a woman who had decided to do this and how she managed to still look great for a whole year in clothes she already owned.

When I heard she was doing this I wasn't surprised. It made me smile as she has a very "individual" style that only works on her. I laughed as she explained that new underwear was permitted in this new year resolution, as she was not Christan enough to deny herself that, but I admired her conviction anyway.

Today, she complemented me on something I thought I was not that good at and it meant a lot. As I read her message something our mutual friend said ran through my head "She thinks she is a bad Christan."

Well I am here to tell you otherwise!
If all people of faith cared as much as you, the world would be a much better place.

So here's to you xxxxx

Check her out @

Monday, 9 May 2011

Gym = Evil

"I f**king hate you" She shouted as I ran slightly ahead of her followed by my very overly energetic victory dance!

We have started our fitness regime, I have to say I hate exercise in any form, whether I win a race with my friend or not. So planning to start running probably wasn't the best idea I ever had.

Saying that though I joined the gym today, even the induction killed me! Within minutes I had mastered the "I'm not staring at you, opposite mirror people watch."

As I tried to look like I wasn't dying, I entertained myself with some important questions..... "Why the hell is that man running on the treadmill with a big woolly jumper on under his t shirt?" and "Where is that woman going that she is required to run for hours on the steepest incline in history??"

I have discovered that I could possibly be friends with the treadmill, but I am not on speaking terms with the cross-trainer! Bad, bad, bad! I managed only 2 whole minutes on that instrument of torture....Followed by an on the spot decision that I wasn't that bothered about being a skinny bitch after all...

I think those people who say they enjoy the gym are just kidding themselves......
The gym is evil. Simply Evil.

Why is life like this? I don't want Pippa Middleton's Ass...Just mine, expect less wobbly and a little more pert....If only there was an easier way....

Saturday, 7 May 2011

A Dating Contradiction.......

Why can I not picture myself in a relationship with someone? Does that mean there is something wrong with me or that I am scared of getting hurt?

Should a person who can't picture themselves in a long term relationship with anyone be dating at all?

I went on my first actual internet date today, actually my first date in over a year. You would think that I would have learnt by now that internet dates NEVER works, but I try anyway, in the hope that all those chick flicks were right and the right guy in out there afterall...

Negativity aside he was actually quite nice, we talked about everything but I'm not sure there was any chemistry. Actually more to the point what is chemistry? And how do you know if you have it?

Was I attracted to him?? Hmm....Maybe not.....

Would I like some male attention?.......Yeah, probably.....

Saturday, 30 April 2011

Where are the boys when you need them?

When I saw it was sunny this morning I had the genius idea of going to buy a laptop, as I am sick of having to do my degree work inside the house, while outside the sun is shining and everyone is enjoying themselves! So off I went to the shopping centre.

After a couple of panicking phone calls to my IT geek little brother, a super quick purchase of a sports bra and an argument with the shop assistant over my incorrect use of the “none lingerie” changing room, despite the fact that it was in fact the only changing room on that floor. I nervously headed over to the laptop area as I tried to remember what my brother had said “Was it 2 megabytes or gigabytes? Was it a 500 hard drive and a 200? What does all this mean anyway? I bet they know I have no idea what I am on about!"

You see this trauma is a daily occurrence for me in my endlessly “single girl” state. I try to pretend I am a modern independent woman, but when it comes to stuff like this, I fail miserably. Other women, those who have men in their lives, would just have to stand there and look pretty, while the saleman talks in boy to their gadget happy other half. Happy in the knowledge that they were not being ripped off simply because they are a girl.

In my head life seems so much easier, but I suppose the grass is always greener.

Either way, I was ripped off and in the process totally forgot get “office” as I was convinced Windows and Office were the same thing and they just magicially appear on your computer with no effort at all on my part.


£700 pounds plus £90 for Office later,

I am poor.


Sunday, 10 April 2011

Internet Dating.....It begins again!

I thought I might give internet dating another bash, this was after I was talked into it by a friend of mine while picnicking in the spring sunshine..... She used all the usual statements to talk me round "What have you got to lose?" "It's more socially acceptable now" and my personal favourite "Mr Right could be just a click away" obviously she is NOT single.....

So I found a "free" dating website, copied and pasted an old "Tell us about what you are looking for" statement from another dating site I once joined and added a picture...

Then a few days went by and I forgot about the profile until today when I was avoiding doing some work. So I logged onto the website and to my surprise I had 72 messages! Granted there were some "special" individuals in the mix.......a couple of delusional 50 year olds in need of a mail order bride and one who was 67 years old probably in need of a carer, but hey God loves a trier....Right!

Well Done Boys you made me giggle ;-)

Friday, 1 April 2011

Backpacker Memoirs....Victoria Falls, Zambia.

Monday 28th December 2009.

Well today started off with a bang. After our official visit to Victoria Fall yesterday which was amazing....Today with got to see feel it's power, even when the river is low! A few of us decided to go to "The Devil's Pool" just above Victoria Falls.

Basically, being the stupid tourists that we are, we paid money to swim in a pool at the top of Vic Falls! It's funny really, they advertise it as "Livingstone Island" sounds pretty sedate, but when you get there they have you climbing over rocks in your bikini for hours with some African guy right behind you. Who somehow manages to "guide" you in the right direction with his hand right on your ass and a well timed wink....

Honestly though, it was an massive adrenaline rush. They had us swimming though water that was trying to push you over the edge with only two guys to grab hold of you before you tipped over the edge! They had us jump into the pool in a certain place right on the edge, the power of the water was unbelievable! I ended up with so many bruises and scratches, but we got our first slap up breakfast complete with knife and forks and proper towels to dry ourselves off with afterwards.....We got overly excited and got some funny looks, but none of the other tourists had been camping for 60 days.....Light weights! hehe!

All in all, an amazing day.

Tuesday, 29 March 2011

One day....Maybe?

"Somewhere there is someone that dreams of your smile, and finds in your presence that life is worthwhile, so when you are lonely remember it's true. Someone somewhere is thinking of you." ~ Unknown.

Someone once said It's nice that I still believe in love and that I am willing to take risks to find it." Recently though I have started to feel that I am wasting my time. Maybe I am meant to be alone? Maybe I will become one of those middle aged women who never marries and ends up caring for her aging mother? Maybe true love doesn't exist, maybe it's just something that is created in the movies and as a child you just assume that one day it will happen to you.

Recently it seems everyone around me is in a couple, all of my old friends are now married, most have babies and I am left on the side lines, endlessly texting them...... "Are you free today? Tomorrow? Next week??" Do they realise what I am really saying? "I am lonely, please spend time with me?" *tears*

I just hope there is a point to feeling like this now? That one day I will meet the person I was suppose to wait for and that it will all make sense.

I just can't help thinking.... What if there is not?

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

It's ok.

"The reason people find it hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than is was, the present worse than it is and future less resolved than it will be." ~ Marcel Pagnol.

I know this sounds totally obvious, but it only occurred to me the other day that life is how it is right at this moment. There is no point worrying about what has happened in the past or what might happen in the future. You can't change what has gone before only make positive changes to what might come in the future....

For me its about pushing myself to fill the empty spaces, reducing the amount of time I spend alone and not worrying about the choices I made in the past. I suppose they were the right choices at that time, otherwise I would have made different ones...Right?

I want to be a proactive person, someone who is positive not negative, someone who embraces those who want to be part of my life and disregards those who don't.

I could be a better version of me. And I will be.

Friday, 11 March 2011

Becoming a skinny bitch!

The miracle isn't that I finished, the miracle is that I had the courage to start ~ John Bingham.

One thing I have never been is a skinny bitch! So yesterday when I went on a mission to find some new jeans and found I didn't fit in my usual size, I was not a happy bunny and drowned my sorrows with a Domino's meat feast pizza, chicken wings and a garlic bread (Shared with a friend.....but still, you see my point.)

Last night I picked up a book I have refused to throw out for 3 years, "Running Made Easy" it contains all the motivational stuff about how running makes you more confident, less stressed, sets goals, makes you feel sexy and healthy....and oh yes I have been stucked in!

So I am going to do it! I am going to register for the Manchester 10k next year...I have already talked a friend into it and I will do it! Go me!
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