I met up with one of my closest friends last night. She is someone who sees the good in everyone, someone who wants to heal the world and all who are in it. She knows all my deepest secrets and still loves me for it.
We started talking about things that had moved us recently. I told her I had read the first few chapters of "One Day" and how there was a paragraph in it that could have been written just for me! It even had my name printed in black and white on the page. It was like a slap in the face. I cried when I read it.
"Here it is. I think you're scared of being happy, Emma. I think you think that the natural way of things is your life to be grim and grey and dour and to hate your job, hate where you live, not to have success or money or God forbid a boyfriend! In fact I'll go further and say that I think you actually get a kick out of being disappointed and under-achieving because it easier, isn't it? Failure and unhappiness is easier because you can make a joke out of it. Is this annoying you? I bet it is."
My friend read it with a smile and insisted that I love myself more. She sent me away with the name of a book and a page number, she told me I had to start saying a particular paragraph to myself. When I found the book, "Eat, Pray, Love" page number 57 and read the paragraph I totally understood the point she was trying to make. I cried. Again.
(Main character talking to herself)
"I'm here. I love you. I don't care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it. I will love you through that as well. If you don't need the medication, I will love you, too. There's nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than depression and braver than loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.
She is a good friend that one.
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