Girl on Heat.....

Hold me and love me,
just wanna touch you for a minute. ~
Stefani Germanotta.

I have never been the type of girl to drool over men.
I never admit to anyone that I think a guy is hot or openly flirt with someone. It maybe the years of having my brain washed by chick flicks or maybe I am just getting more desperate, but recently I have noticed that I am checking out guys in the most unbelievably inappropriate situations.....

Situation 1:
He was a Paramedic Student, young and hot in his green outfit, working with me to practice taking blood on the unsuspecting sick. He made my shift so much easier and we laughed and joked all day. My mind ticked over as I wondered if he had a girlfriend or whether or not he was gay, we talked about travelling and his university course....I hoped he would ask me out at the end of the shift but no luck there....

Situation 2:
My Nana got me tickets to an amateur dramatics show in her local church hall, I wasn't that keen on going but went for her only to discover I was the only one in the room (expect for the actors) who didn't have grey hair. He was an actor in the play (it was terrible) When they came to lap up the applause at the end our eyes met.....he was hot, I hadn't noticed....

Situation 3:
I was shopping with Mum for a Christmas tree and he was the lumberjack type who was chopping the trees to the right size. He was rough round the edges, smelt like wood, had dirt all over his face and hands. He smiled at me as he promised to carry it to my car......I wanted to share at him longer, but my mum wanted to pay....

Situation 4:
My personal favourite, he was a passerby who helped detain a man who was trying to break into my car. He was muscley, sure of himself, well spoken and caring....He was the type of guy I wrote to Santa about getting for Christmas........When the police came, I could have given them a detailed description of him.....Maybe be the criminal! It turns out he lives just a few doors down, he was walking his dog when he saw what happened and came to help a damsel in distress....I wonder if my dog would like a walk later???

So many questions.....

"A picture is worth a thousand words"
Chinese Proverb.

One thing I have always loved about my life is that I know exactly where I come from. My family roots run very deep into this little town of mine and I have always been very aware of it thanks to my relationship with my grandmother. She has always been very proud of it and has always made sure she tells me everything she can about our family history.

A few years ago my Great Grandmother died and my Grandmother inherited all the old family photos. I vividly remember sitting in her back room with her writing people's names on the back of old photo's. While my Grandmother talked about the people they were, as she told me "I don't want them forgotten" A few years on and suddenly those photographs hold a lot more interest for me. I don't know why but a few months ago I started researching my family history.

It amazed me how little we actually knew. Names and dates forgotten, to my grandmother's horror within her living memory. With the help of the Internet I did find out quite a lot but there is photograph after photograph of unknown individuals forgotten with the passage of time. One man now only referred to as the "unknown solider" by my dad.

I just can't help wondering what life he hold, how his family suffered and what became of him.
I have a million questions and no answers, we will probably never know.
I think the pictures speak for themselves.....Endless questions that remain unanswered.

My 2010 in Pictures.

You don't take a photograph, you ask quietly to borrow it. ~ Unknown Author.

January:
February:
March:
April:
May:
June:
July:

August:
September:
October:

November:

December:

For more of my photo's from this year, check out my flickr account.

Smells like Winter...

The colour of springtime is in the flowers, the colour of winter is the imagination. ~ Terri Guillemets.


Sometimes, you wake up and realise how beautiful the world really is.
This morning, we had our first proper frost.
You know that blanket of frost that signals that winter has well and truly arrived.
I went downstairs and went out side...Maybe not the greatest plan in dressing gown and slippers.
It was lovely though, my breath visible in the cold air, the sun catching the ice in just the right way, making it shine like diamonds along the fence.
It smells so good, it smells like Winter.
So my friend and I took a drive into the country, well worth it.
Beautiful isn't it...


We found a pub with an open fire and debated all that is wrong in the world.
A great way to spend a Winter day.
Maybe now I should brave the Christmas Market?
Mulled wine, my favourite gloves and a big old scarf will do quite nicely.
Thank you.

A year ago today....

"To love oneself is the beginning of a life long romance." Oscar Wilde.

A year ago today, I embarked on the trip of a lifetime.
16 countries in 6 months.

I was full of hope that I was taking stock of my life.
I wanted to take back control of a life I hated, instead of ambling along and letting the years past me unnoticed. I was full of excitement and hope that I was walking down a new path....One that would make me feel good about myself, one that would lead me to happiness. One that would change everything.

I took risks, jumped out of aeroplanes thousands of feet up, jumped off a bridge because I could, trekked the jungle in search of gorilla's, slept on the ground night after night, while ants climbed all over me and mozzies feasted on me...


One problem, I had to take myself along too, complete with all my demons.
The demons that stop me doing things at home. The demons that whisper in my ear that "You are not good enough! Why would anyone ever love you!"

I slept under the stars on the Serengeti and worried that "She is far prettier than me, he must like her."
I sat at the top of Table Mountain and worried that the Irish guy I met, who obviously fancied me, might try something later and I would freak out.
I watched a beautiful pink sunrise in New Zealand, while I worried that I was far to boring for the guy sleeping in the next tent.
I was so consumed with myself and my feelings that I could not see what was around me.........
I wasted the most amazing 6 months of my life so far.

Now I'm back at home.
What a waste....

Fyfe Dangerfield - She's Always A Woman

One Man.

"One of the most difficult things is not to change society but to change yourself" ~ Nelson Mandela.


Last night as I lay in bed, I started to watch a movie about Nelson Mandela. It was called "Goodnight Bafana" it was a movie based on the memoirs of Nelson Mandela's prision guard and how their relationship turns from a racist guarding a "terrorist" to a friendship based on mutual respect.

It got me thinking...

I was 9 years old.
Every weekend we would be looked after by my Nana. As my Mum worked night shifts and was sleeping during the day, so we spent the weekends with my Nana. Usually we baked, played in her garden or went plane spotting with my Grandad. However, that day was different, instead of playing out we watched the television.

As I sat there wondering why we weren't allowed to play out my Nana called me over, I sat on her knee and we waited. I vividly remember her saying "You must remember this moment, it is so important in history. It is so important for everyone's future. You will promise me you will remember this.. won't you?" With innocent eyes, I promised her I would.

Only now, through the eyes of an adult, do I realise the significance of that moment. Only now, when I see the footage do I remember her words. Only when I went to visit Cape Town for myself observed the people, black and white, and saw how the inequalities still remain in their society. Only now when I went to Robben Island, The District Six Museum, and read the plaque outside the Town Hall from where he made his first speech, do I see the impact one man can have on his country and the world. Still I couldn't help but wonder...Why such a small plaque for such I momentous speech?

Friends, comrades and fellow South Africans. I greet you all in the name of peace, democracy and freedom for all. I stand here before you not as a prophet but as a humble servant of you, the people. Your tireless and heroic sacrifices have made it possible for me to be here today. I therefore place the remaining years of my life in your hands.


Nelson Mandela.
"Nelson" being a name given to him by his white school teacher.
He is loved above all other throughout Africa.
His real name Rolihlahla means "to pull a branch of a tree" or "troublemaker".
Apt I think.

For the Fallen.

They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old: Age shall not weary them, nor the years contemn. At the going down of the sun and in the morning We will remember them...

Sorry.

An apology is the super glue of life. It can repair just about anything. ~ Lynn Johnston.


Dear Friend,

How do I fix this without seeming like I am begging for your forgiveness? In some ways I don't take back what I said, some of it was the truth and I did feel that you wronged my friend. However, you were a great friend to me and I was wrong to get involved in someone else's disagreement especially when I ended up looking like the bad one.

I am sorry for what happened, I hope you realise how much I cared when I rang you from Cape Town to apologise to you. I felt awkward when I got home pretending everything was OK between us especially as I knew that you no longer trusted me. I felt bad when your husband and sister deleted me from facebook which made me feel like I was no longer welcome to visit when you had your baby, so I stayed away.

I know this situation makes our mutual friends feel awkward and I seem to be losing more friends than I gaining lately. Maybe I deserve it?

When I saw you today in Starbucks, I felt like it was fate. Especially as I was talking about this situation to our mutual friend when our eyes met from across the room.


Is it true what you said to her?
Do you miss me as a friend?
I am sorry.
I miss you too.

So now you know.....

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you imagined. ~ Henry David Thoreau.


Maybe it was on some crappy daytime girlie chat show, maybe it was in some cheap magazine that I read in the small hours of a night shift or maybe I am imagined it.....but I'm sure I once heard it somewhere that in order to get what you have always dreamed of you have to tell the universe. You have to actually say them all out loud so that it knows what your dreams are and grant your wishes for you.
Like a genie in a bottle.
Only without the genie.
Shame.

So here goes.....

1. I would like to be happy and feel content.
2. I would like to love and be loved in return.
3. I would like to marry Hugh Jackman (Ok, Ok)
4. I would like to be respected in my work place.
5. I would like more real friends.
6. I would like children.
7. I would like to be thinner.
8. I would like to travel more.
9. I would like to be more positive.
10. I would like to feel wanted.
11. I would like to sing on the stage.
12. I would like my family to be happy and healthy.
13. I would like my own place.
14. I would like to be to busy to worry.
15. I would like to be more confident with men.
16. I would like to feel sexy.
17. I would like to laugh more.
18. I would like to know my own worth.
19. I would like to love life.
20. I would like to like myself.

Just because it moved me........

Just because no one knows.....

"I sing because I'm happy. I sing because I'm free. His eye is on the sparrow and I know he watches me."


Ever since I can remember I have loved to sing. I still know all the words to The Little Mermaid. When I was little I used to think that one day I would meet "My Eric" and we would live happily ever after. Now I'm older I know that is not going to happen.

I can remember being told to "shut up" by my Dad when I sang. I can remember him recruiting my older sister to belittle me as they would wait outside my bedroom for me to start singing. Then brust in the door so they could laugh in my face and tell me how terrible I was. Now I only sing to myself when know one is around.

A few years ago two of my friends clubbed together and got the best present I ever received. Singing lessons. That is how I met Rachel she has gone from singing teacher to one of my closest friends in the world. I introduce her as "My Opera Singing Friend" because I am so proud of what she does. She is a bucket of positive energy to my half empty attitude. She exactly what I need and she is the only person who has ever heard me sing properly and not laughed.

I have a love affair with Musicals and I cry when I watch them. Probably because I wish it was me. I can remember when my love affair started, it was when I watched "The Phantom of the Opera" when I was 10 years old. My Mum and Nana had decided to take my older sister and I as a treat. I remember being to small to see the stage and sitting on a booster seat. As the lights went down and the music boomed around the theatre, I was mesmerised and hooked for life!

Then came the final scene. I tried so hard not to cry, I felt the burn as the lump in my throat tried to fight its way out. Then suddenly I wailed like the child I was....

The whole theatre seemed to turn to stare at me. I was so embarrassed and hid my red face on my Mum's lap, but the women just smiled at me with understanding, I was allowed to cry, I was a child, they were not. From that day on a became a "Musical Junkie"

So here you are. You are now one of only a few people who knows my secret.

My hidden passion.

Just because it makes me smile....

Just because I want happiness

"Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed." ~ Storm Jameson.

Seen as though I feel like I have done nothing but moan in my last few posts. I have decided to re-post an old post from last year about things that make me happy.
It all counts, the big things and the small things, even if it was just for a second......

So here goes.......

Clean washing.
Sunday roast.
The smell of the rain.
Sunshine on my face.
Sun beams breaking through the clouds.
Postcards from my friend.
Conversations with my nan.
My mum's eyes when she gets excited.......Oh and her over dramatic wave.
A baby's laughter.
Smiles from my god daughter.
The smell of winter.
Flowers.
Carousels.
The fairground.
Crunching ice under your feet.
Snowball fights.
Lying in a field on a hot summers day.
Having picnic's in the park.
Ice cream.
Chocolate.
Playing fetch with a excitable dog.
Driving down old English country lanes.
The beech.
Pubs in the winter with an open fire.
Campervans.
Cuddles on the sofa.
Driving and singing very obviously to a great song.
Feeding the ducks.
Relaxing into a hot bath.
My hair after its been washed.
Giving someone a massage.
My bed.
Cuddling up in front of the telly.
Getting a funny message on facebook.
Good food and great company.
Musicals...Especially on the Westend!
Laughing till it hurts.
A great book.
My slippers.
The beep of a text message.
My pink backpack.
The way my dog wiggles her bum when she is excited.
Trying on the perfect outfit.
Dancing to a great song.
Hitting that perfect note.
Thanks from a patient.
Sitting in my nan's back garden.
Walking on crunchy leaves.
The Woods.
Live music.
Sitting by the river.
A great view.
Taking my shoes off after a long day.
Driving home from work with the windows down.
Sunday mornings when no one else is around.
Candle light.
The chill of a church.
The countryside.
Daffodil's.
Finishing a painting.
Capturing that perfect moment with my camera.
Chick flicks.
Singing into my hairbrush.
Hearing a great song.
Crying at a great Movie.
The Book Store.
Soft skin.
That clean feeling after a shower.
The smell of soap.
My hand cream.
Having a lie in on a day off.

You are missed

"Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn't permanent" ~ Jean Kerr.


I look for you but I don't see you.

My friends tell me if I stop looking, you will suddenly appear, but it's easy for them to say, they are content with their lives. I just can't help myself.

Are you the man standing next to me at the bus stop or the guy staring at me from across the bar? Are you the Paramedic bringing me a new patient or the Policeman who is dragging one away? Even if it was you, I would never know as I would be automatically looking at the floor, breaking eye contact and losing the moment forever.

If only you knew how much I miss you, even though I haven't met you...

I miss you in the shopping mall, when I see couples holding hands. I miss you when I am pushed out of the way in the crowd because I am alone and of no consequence. I miss you when I look for cards for yet another friend who has had a baby. I miss you when I see the one that is meant for you, I glance at it a while, but it remains on the shelf.

I missed you at my sister's wedding when I told her she looked beautiful. I missed you as I straightened her dress and painted on my smile as my loneliness burnt inside. I missed you when I watched them have their first dance and when everyone took their partners to the dance floor. I missed you as I hid in the corner hoping I would disappear.

I miss you as the cold Autumn air chills my fingertips as I imagine holding your hand. I miss your smile when I show you where I used to play as a child. I miss your humour as we laugh while we walk though the woods and along the riverbank.

I miss you at Christmas when I watch my siblings receive gifts from their partners. I miss you at the Christmas table when I pretend I am happy for my family's sake, but inside I want to cry.

I miss you when I sit alone in the cinema, hoping that no one has noticed the girl sitting alone with her popcorn. I miss you as I pretend to text someone on my mobile phone so people think I am not alone in the world.

I miss you at night when I move the extra pillows into the small of my back, as I dream that one day you will hold me as I drift off to sleep. I miss you when the voice of hope begins to speak more quietly to me. I miss you when she promises me that one day I will be happy, one day I will meet you and one day I will have everything I ever dreamed of.

If only you knew how much I miss you...

Just because I love to sing........

Boy Tales: Army Boy.

"Regret for things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for things we did not do that is inconsolable" ~ Syndey Smith.

Army Boy:

I met you in my nan's garden, we were having a family party and you were the son of a friend of the family. Dressed in your uniform and carrying your daughter how could I resist....
We chatted in the garden as we played with your daughter and I thought nothing else of it (how could you possibly fancy me) until suddenly I started receiving text messages from you.

You were sexy, funny and flirtatious. We liked the same things and eventually you convinced me to drive the 4 and a half hours to your house for the weekend. I remember I was excited and wasn't nervous until we were alone together.....Which is when I morphed into a neurotic woman.

Boy, did I over analyse you...

You took me onto your base and proudly showed me around while talking about your job. You acted like the perfect gentleman, you paid for our meals and opened doors for me. You took me into the city and as we wandered around the cathedral, I began to panic..."What if he expects me to sleep with him?" You tried to chat to me but I was tense and conversation was silted. I remember you telling me "Military men often marry nurses because they can get a job in any hospital" Causing my mind to go into complete overdrive.....

When the evening came we chatted on the sofa, I quizzed you about your ex wife and you explained how you had to stay in contact with her for your daughter's sake. You told me that she played mind games with you and showed me how she sent you erotic pictures of herself to keep your interest even though she had a new partner.
The photos were all the excuse I needed.
It was Game Over.

In the morning, I woke up at 7am put on my clothes and left. Giving you a silly excuse about having to get home. As I got in my car, I looked at you through the rear view mirror, standing on your doorstep in your towel looking all dumbfounded. I felt so bad when you said "but.. I was going to make us dinner." I started to cry, but I drove away anyway.

To my surprise the texts continued and I replied...beating myself up about my "girlie freak out".....Asking my friends "Was it me?" but knowing full well it was. After a few weeks, when you asked me what you did.. I confessed everything, endured the usual "REALLY!??" conversation, but to my surprise you still wanted to see me.

When your family arranged a party and invited my family.. I was surprised as I hadn't seen you since I ran away, but I made the effort...doing the girlie thing of putting on some make up and over analysing myself in the mirror. Telling myself a few times..
"You're so fat!"
"No you're not!"
"Yes, you are!"

When I arrived to my horror I realised I was overdressed......only to have your dad ask "Have you got dressed up for him" Which only deflated my confidence to less than zero.

When I realised your whole family knew about me and had been excitedly awaiting my arrival. I had my second "girlie freak out" and refused to make eye contact or talk to you. When you followed me to my car to ask if you had done something wrong, I immediately felt bad and just said "I feel a bit self conscious" I felt so uncomfortable, so eventually I left the party.....
Confidence in tatters.

Unsurprisingly, I never heard from you again.

A few weeks ago your dad sent me pictures of your wedding to a gorgeous blond, you looked so happy...

God I missed out.

Books....The possibilities are endless...

"The worth of a book is to be measured by what you can carry away from it." ~James Bryce.


One place I really love to amble anyway hours in is a bookshop. Not just any old bookshop but one of those massive ones, the kind where a single girl can grab a coffee and can pass unnoticed...

I just love the endless opportunities, the way a book can take you to places your imagination had never thought possible and I love the way a book can offer a million ways of self improvement. I love the smell of a new book, the feel of a new book and I love their undiscovered potential.

As I wandered around my favorite bookshop today, trying to drown out my inner dialog. I couldn't help but giggle at some of the titles like..

"Sex Slave"
"How to make someone fall in love with you"
"Happiness its within your reach"
"How to be single"

As I wandered into the travel section, my imagination went wild as images of some amazing places I have visited came streaming into the forefront of my mind. As I banded myself from buying anymore Lonely Planets, one book almost jumped off the shelf at me.... "1000 places to see before you die" I could only compare it to a homeless puppy looking up at you with big lonely eyes hoping you to take it home with you to sleep in front of your warm fire......I was weak. It now resides in my warm house.

Simply, I love books because they make you realise that there are endless possibilities in life but you just haven't had the confidence to reach for them....Yet.

A girl can dream....

"When we are dreaming alone it is only a dream. When we are dreaming with others, it is the beginning of reality" ~ Dom Helder Camara.

Sometimes I can be really spontaneous...
I have been known to drive across the country because someone wants to see me.....

Today after reading a post by life-in-quotations about attractive qualities in women. I randomly asked my friend what qualities she found attractive in a man.... (Obviously I was thinking something along the lines of honesty, humour, confidence....You know the usual stuff...)

I gave her seconds to answer....

Her response....

" A hot skinhead saxophone player who likes cricket....and loves Jesus!"

Hmm......

Good Luck with that! hehehe!

20 Facts About Me.....

"One of the most difficult things is not to change society but to change yourself" Nelson Mandela.
1. I am 29 Years Old....I have no boyfriend, no children and I still live with my parents....
2. I am well traveled. I have camped in a tent on the Serengeti.

3. I have nearly died (Twice) Once when I was 6 months old and once when I was 10 years old.....You would think I would appreciate life more.

4. I have never had a man love me back.

5. My Best Friend is my Nana...She loves me unconditionally....

6. I love to be creative but rarely am....I love painting and photography.

7. I can sing.....well....but no one knows.

8. I still suck my thumb...

9. I am a nurse....I have stuck my finger in places that would make you feel sick.

10. Men make me nervous.

11. I have never had a one night stand.

12. Sometimes I feel so lonely I think I have burnt a hole in my chest.

13. I secretly wish I was the leading lady in a musical.

14. I think I may have taken the wrong path in life.

15. I avoid people with children because I want them so badly, but I think I never will.

16. I have the best family in the world.

17. I have lost more friends in the last year than I care to count.

18. At night I stick pillows in my back so I feel like someone is cuddling up to me....

19. I am a couch potato.

20. I think & love far too much.

Skinny Jeans....Now everything is good with the world!

"Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to shop" ~ Bo Derek.

There has to be a scientific study somewhere that actually proves there is a positive correlation between fitting into a pair of skinny jeans and the mental health of women the world over.....

Today I had that rare moment...When you try something on in the changing room of some clothes shop and you know you look great!

The Result:

• Happiness with life.

• Sudden resolution of all negative thoughts.

• Knowing you are actually a sexy woman afterall.

• World peace.

Happy Days, God Bless you Skinny!

Married, Single, Other...See why I love it! x

Married, Single, Other....

"A true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes, while everyone else believes the smile on your face." Unknown.

If I had to tell you about the things I am I grateful for in my life, my friends and family would rank way up there at the top of my list.

A few days ago a package arrived at my door, after a few minutes panic that I hadn't ordered anything from the Internet and stressing over the fact that someone had probably hacked my account and was probably off buying a holiday with my credit card.....I decided to do the most logical thing any actually open the package.....

As soon as I did I knew exactly who had sent it to me.....Someone who knows me so well that they know exactly what I would love, exactly what would make me cry and exactly what I want for my future.....


The package was only a DVD....a Series "Married, Single, Other" which I missed during my travels but my friend knew I would love. Its the story of three couples, one "Married" but about to divorced, one "Single" but looking for love and secretly hoping they had found it in each other, and one "Other" a couple who have been together for years, have children but aren't married....Yet...


What can I say.....Major cry fest.....but I love it! My friend was so right! It maybe girlie but I love the sarcasm mixed with the couples love for each other. I love the fact that they mess everything up and that human beings are not infallible. I love (and cried) at the old lady from the first episode, who believes her dead husband sings to her at night because she can't believe he would ever leave her alone in the world......

Well done friend...You know me so well! xxx

A letter to you.....The one you actually read.

"You've already won me over in spite of me and don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet" ~ Alanis Morissette.

For once a letter to you that you actually got to read.......


Well I could have really loved you....You could have been the most important thing in the world to me....You may even have been happy with me.....

Yes you may think I am childish for saying this but I think for a long time I did actually love you...And I think for once in my life on that Saturday afternoon as I wiped away your tears I was actually happy....

Well this is where it stops...I'm glad you spoke to me badly, I'm glad you ignored me all night because it made me realise I am actually worth nothing to you! I only said what I did so you would pay me some attention, I would never have done anything to intentionally hurt you.

From now on I will not be texting you when I'm lonely. I will not be inflating your ego by flirting with you; I will never secretly look at you from across the room hoping you give me five minutes of your time. I will never again think about you as I fall asleep, wishing it was you holding me and I will never ever again give up my job because a man played mind games with me.

I regret telling you what I did. I only did because I thought you cared for me and I could tell you anything...Obviously I was wrong.

I really truly hope your ex takes you back, I hope she makes you happy and you forgive yourself for whatever it is you did. You were never the “but of my jokes” in fact I defended you when people said you were worthless.....My feelings for you have already ruined my chance of having someone else love me. I will not allow you to do that again.

I am deleting you from facebook....and would appreciate it if you didn't text or email me again. I can't be just your "friend" I have enough friends who really do care about me and you don't get to treat me like this.

You would have been so lucky to have me....and I don't blow my own trumpet often.

Have a happy life x

Backpacker Memoirs....Uganda

Tuesday 24th November 2009

"I dream of an Africa that is at peace with itself" ~ Nelson Mandela.

Next Stop Uganda! Never thought I would get to say that! A whole days bus ride today though. The children still wave at our massive truck with excitement as we go though their villages...I wonder what they think of us? I can't help thinking what a shame it is when we get piled on and off the bus in the main cities as the locals stare, yet the places that look really interesting the "Real Africa" we get driven though at high speed.....Hmm.....

Sophie (my tent mate) and I have been talking about all the animals that are randomly tied up at the side of the road....Does no one steal them? No one seems to be watching them and you would think livestock would be worth something wouldn't you? Then suddenly we are in fits of laughter Sophie adds "You couldn't leave your cow at the side of the road in England! It would get kicked!" ....Hilarious!

So we have crossed the boarder my first impressions: Goats...lots of them, no more cows this time....They are tied to the side of the road as always, not a sole in sight for miles. Then people...Smiling people. The children still run and wave but this time some of the adults do too. Is that because they are that friendly or are they so poor they think they can sell us something?? Is that wrong to think that??? Maybe!

In Uganda so far the local houses are made of bricks not wood and some of their mud huts have parchment roofs....they appear a richer country. The roads are easier to travel, less pot holes = Better infrastructure. Still got 6hrs driving time and its hot, hot, hot!

I can't believe how resourceful and skilled people are here....My impressions of Africans are changing daily. Just in the space of a few minutes I have seen a basket maker, someone fixing their car, someone else fixing their bike and farmers working the land.

As I watch the people of Uganda fly past my window...smiling, waving and working so hard. It has got me thinking about Africa in general. The people here are independent, resourceful and appear to want to make things better for their families by sheer hard work alone. I think given half a chance they would work their our way out of poverty, they do not need handouts from the West...They need our respect, not our pity......

Yes, I do mock....and often!

" I don't believe in email. I'm an old fashioned girl. I prefer calling and hanging up!" ~ Carrie Bradshaw.

So after my latest trails and tribulations and in a attempt to move forward with my life I logged back on to an Internet dating site today only to find this email:

"Hello,
i like your profile, you are very pretty and gentlewoman,
i am doctor medical,
i am teacher in university too.
i am working on production and application of anti-cancer druges,
i am looking for a sex girl for nice, romantic and good relationship,
if you like my profile please inform me."

It cheered me up so much! Poor Guy! hehehe! x

Retail Therapy Kiddy Style....

"There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child, There are seven million." ~ Walt Streightiff.

What to do when a two year old starts giggling and clapping when you step out of a changing room with a potential new dress???......
Buy it of course!

Well Done my beautiful God Daugther, you have cheered me up no end! xxx

Note to Self:

"Take Chances. Tell the truth. Date someone totally wrong for you. Spend all your cash. Fall in love. Get to know someone random. Be random. Say I love you. Sing out loud. Laugh at stupid jokes. Cry. Apologize. Tell someone how much they mean to you. Tell a jerk what you think. Laugh till your stomach hurts and your eyes water. Live life."

A song to match my mood.....

Do you think she is trying to tell me something??

My Friend: "So how did your date go?"

Me: "Not bad actually! He is lovely!..."

My Friend: "Stop what you're doing immediately! I'm calling you! You NEVER say you like people.....even when they are NICE!"

Time to be selfish....

I have been thinking a lot lately about my future. I feel like I'm at a bit of a cross roads and I need to make a decision about which road I want to take. I just feel like I need to make a change, a positive change and stop beating myself up over the actions of others.

Yes, I make life difficult for myself. Yes, I allow myself to feel worthless because people treat me badly and Yes, I convince myself that no one could ever love me. Well, I'm sick of it! One day someone will look at me and see the kind person I am, one day someone will want to get to know the real me, one day someone will want to chat to me without being condescending and one day I will be worth something to someone...

Until then I am going to do what makes ME happy.....If I want to move jobs.. I will. If I want go back to university... I will. If I want to sing.. I will and If I want to volunteer in Africa.. I will!

A friend said to me the other day "Do everything while you can because one day you won't be able too!" She was so right! xx