"To love oneself is the beginning of a life long romance." Oscar Wilde.
A year ago today, I embarked on the trip of a lifetime.
16 countries in 6 months.
I was full of hope that I was taking stock of my life.
I wanted to take back control of a life I hated, instead of ambling along and letting the years past me unnoticed. I was full of excitement and hope that I was walking down a new path....One that would make me feel good about myself, one that would lead me to happiness. One that would change everything.
I took risks, jumped out of aeroplanes thousands of feet up, jumped off a bridge because I could, trekked the jungle in search of gorilla's, slept on the ground night after night, while ants climbed all over me and mozzies feasted on me...
One problem, I had to take myself along too, complete with all my demons.
The demons that stop me doing things at home. The demons that whisper in my ear that "You are not good enough! Why would anyone ever love you!"
I slept under the stars on the Serengeti and worried that "She is far prettier than me, he must like her."
I sat at the top of Table Mountain and worried that the Irish guy I met, who obviously fancied me, might try something later and I would freak out.
I watched a beautiful pink sunrise in New Zealand, while I worried that I was far to boring for the guy sleeping in the next tent.
I was so consumed with myself and my feelings that I could not see what was around me.........
I wasted the most amazing 6 months of my life so far.
Now I'm back at home.What a waste....
I think if you take a moment to think about it you'll see there is much in you to love. You have an adventurous spirit and have taken risks that many people wouldn't have the courage for. Even through the times that things didn't work out you still believe in love. You've shown your kindness in the wonderful comments you've left me. You have a warm heart and a love for life which shows through in your writing.
ReplyDeleteIt's never too late to change how we perceive ourselves. You're young and have the rest of your life ahead of you, but only YOU can decide how those days will be spent. You say on that trip you missed the most amazing six months of your life. Each day you spend now, consumed with yourself and your feelings, is another day spent missing a sunrise.
If you focus on what you think is wrong in your life, you'll miss out on all the good.
I understand how you feel. Two weeks ago I got back from my 5 month trip overseas. The majority of my time (4 months) was spent in India. On the first day, I met a guy, who is now my boyfriend. But I feel like my entire trip ended up being me caught up in my emotions due to the relationship. I feel that now, I'll never be able to see India without the image of my boyfriend.
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