Will you marry me?? Erm...Whats the point?

So it seems the older I get the more weddings I go to and the more christenings I attend. The thing is I think I have a strong dislike of weddings in general. Maybe it is because in the past few years I am attending more and more, or maybe its because they all seem so happy and in love and I am not. Yesterday as I drove to a friends wedding, I started thinking about them.....What exactly is the point?

Yes they love each other, but we already knew that. Yes they scrub up well, but we also already knew that too, Yes they have lots of friends, of course they do, they are lovely people. Most of them already live together and probably already have mortgages so the "Financial reason" has no grounding. They break the bank paying for it and spend the year lending up to it telling us all how much everything costs. Most of them already have children, so it is not exactly a "white wedding" So apart from making us singletons feel more lonely, why do it?

Don't get me wrong I love romance as much of the next person, but I figure that the special things between a couple are private, so sharing soppy stories about how they met somehow seems corny. Plus must they insist on making their nearest and dearest sit through the best man's speech????

If I meet the love of my life maybe I would feel differently, but I figure you are either committed to each other or you're not....Do you really need to be married to show that?

So as I sat there in a room full of couples, all lovingly talking about coupley things, I felt lonelier than ever. Maybe that is my problem with weddings.....That I always end up feeling alone in a room full of people.

Travelling "to do" list!

So after reading all the travel books in the world, I thought I would write down all the things they tell me I need to do or buy and tick them off in an effort to be organised.......It turned out to be a very long list! Some editing required methinks!....

Ticket:

• Confirm Dates.
• Confirm flights.
• Photocopy ticket.

Passport:

• Get new passport.
• Get new pictures and extras for visas.
• Photocopy passport.
• Memorizing passport number.

Visa:

• Get working Visa for Oz
• Check whether you need visas for different African countries.
• Get visa for Vietnam

Money:

• Arrange standing order to pay off minimum amount on credit card.
• Arrange for mum to have access to bank account (signatory).
• Check card expiry dates.
• Get STA card.
• Get American express credit card/US dollars
• Sign up for a credit card projection plan (make sure it covers aboard)
• Get contact number in case card is lost.
• Ask about opening oz bank account.
• Get money in small notes/travellers checks.
• Cancel unnecessary bills/cancel phone on the before the 26/09/09 need pay as you go travel Sim Card/New phone.

Car:

• Put family on the insurance.
• Check tax is in date/ Get mot/Get international driving licence
• Get mum to pay for the finance agreement.
• Check existing medical conditions covered.

Health:

• Get jabs.
• Get vaccination certificates/Yellow Fever Certificate.
• Have insurance contact number.
• Doctors letter x 2 plus prescription.
• Medication.
• Blood group.
• Medical Kit (see page 56 of career break book)
• Doctors letter as to contents of medical kit.
• Visit the dentist.

Work:

• Register in oz
• Get a job with an agency
• Get references.
• Update and take CV.

Equipment:

• Backpack.
• Daypack.
• Pad locks.
• Net for backpack.
• Mosquito Net and Spray.
• First aid kit.
• Toilet paper
• Inflatable pillow
• Water purification tablets.
• Fleece top.
• Waterproof jacket.
• Towel /Swimwear.
• 4 t shirts.
• Poncho
• Ear Plugs.
• Sun Hat.
• Sleeping bag.
• Shorts.
• 2 long trousers.
• 1 pair of hiking pants.
• Hiking/walking boots.
• Sandals.
• Sun Cream.
• Sun Glasses.
• Alarm Clock
• Water bottle.
• Clothes line.
• Calculator.
• Pocket knife.
• Sewing kit
• Duch Tape.
• Safety pins
• Travel cutlery
• Torch/Head torch.
• Money Belt.
• Underwear and Socks.
• Toiletries./Hairbrush.
• Camera/Writing/Reading/Painting Material.
• Ipod
• Binoculars.

The Sunday Quote

Its important to love yourself, not in a big headed way, in the kind of way you love your friends, even though you know they have faults.... Alison Ely.

What would I wear with them?

A girl can never have to many shoes, so when I took a friend shopping today naturally I dragged her into "Shoe World" to peruse the shelves in pursuit of that "must have item".....Suddenly we were greeted by these......


Following an in depth discussion about how aesthetically pleasing they were, how the heal provided height in a very sexy and feminine fashion, along with convenient holes to allow for ventilation during those notoriously hot English summer months. My friend announced she had to try them on and proceeded to model them in front of the mirror..........I feel the pink stripey socks really did them justice, a bargain at only £9.99 ......Only one problem, She didn't I have anything to wear them with! Shame really!.......Not!

A new perspective.....

Isn't it funny how the most random of people can make you see something you have been thinking a lot about in a new way. Today I was chatting away to a patient of mine about my travel plans, I was telling him I about my nerves etc, etc......When he suddenly asked "Why are you so worried? Home is only about 15 hours away from anywhere now" I hadn't thought about it that way.....Well done that man!....

The Sunday Quote

Don't let someone be a priority in your life when you are still an option in theirs....

Nervous? Hell yeah!

Its seems like everyone I meet lately is asking me the same question "When are you going on your travels" Now either they can't wait to get rid of me or they are excited for me......The thing is I have completely lost my nerve, so when people ask me about it, I don't come across as enthusiastic or excited, instead I am unsure and nervous.

Maybe it because I don't have my leaving date confirmed yet so I can't psych myself up. My travel agent seems to have forgotten I am alive, he had promised to "Get back to me" weeks ago but hasn't and everytime I ring he is "on a day off"....Do travel agents really have that many days off? Maybe I should be one?

Maybe I have lost my nerve because I feel so disorganised, I haven't sorted out my visas yet, I think I may end up spending the day in London queuing at the embassy doors! Oh no! I need a yellow fever certificate, all my vaccinations, a doctors letter, more money....loads more money, a backpack and all the stuff. I am still deciding about the lap top and phone, not sorted out any hostels yet, my mum is getting more stressed out by the day and it is getting ever nearer.....In short, I am Sh*tting myself!

Saying all that though I have moments of excitement, like when I saw my friends pictures of Zanzibar on facebook or when I saw a safari on the tv.....I have never been a "half full" kind of person, but I am trying to be......This trip is suppose to make me a better person, to allow me to see the world beyond Manchester, to become the free spirted, confident and outgoing person I have always wanted to be.

I have never done anything like this alone before, or been away from my family for so long, but even if I hate it and travelling isn't for me, I will not give in and come home. I am a strong person and I will experience it all.... The good and the bad. Here's hoping there is way, way more good than bad!

Goodbye dear brain cells......

"I want to be a Nurse" Be warned from someone who knows....Are you sure about that? Nursing has many, many, many trials and tribulations, one of the biggest has to be the dreaded night shift.....The 3am nausea, the endless small talk with work collages you don't really like, the ability of someone somewhere to spill a urine bottle requiring you to mop it up at 5am while trying to avoid standing in it in the dark, the expert ability of at least one patient to manage to pull the emergency bell (Clearly marked in big red letters "Emergency Bell") Sending you and everyone around you into a state of panic at 4am and waking up the whole ward......

The only saving grace when you are clock watching and praying for sunlight to appear through the window is the cheap girlie magazine.

Yes I have lost valuable brain cells this way, they died in the pages of Cosmo, Hello, Bella, Take a Break and Reveal. Before you judge and in my defence, I don't buy them myself they have been left over my patients but they pass the time between 3.30am and 3.40am...... So over the past few night shifts I have kept a mental note of the articles I have read to document were it was I lost my intelligence.....Goodbye brain cells thank you, we had fun xx

Horoscopes: Libra: Tomorrow you will meet a tall dark handsome stranger.....

20 ways to tells he is into you.

10 annoying things loved up couples say to singles.

Sex tips for girls.

I married my ex lovers girlfriend's mother's brother.

How you too can get a bikini body in two weeks.

Brad vs Angelina, Brad and Ang vs Jen, Brad and Jen vs Ang, Jen vs Ang, Brad vs Jen........

How Kara Tointon maintains her figure: Diet tips etc, etc.

Women cry for 12,000 hours in their lifetime. Fact.

(My personal favourite) My bowels exploded! (Inset) Doctors had to sew up my bum!

A letter to you....Things I can't say.

We have been in this limbo for far to long.......Two years in fact! You playing your mind games, me lapping up every little bit of attention, allowing you to make me feel wanted...you never doing enough to take things any further. Me wanting to be pursued, you never hot in pursuit. I have thought about you, fantasied about you, worried about you, even missed you when you were away.... All the while knowing you were not the man I had dreamed of.....

I have talked about you endlessly to my friends and ignored their advice, I have allowed myself to invent a different you in my mind, a person who wanted me and wasn't afraid to admit it. A person with integrity who had concern for others, instead you showed your true colours.... You are afraid.

What a shock it must have been to have the girl you have spent all night texting coincidentally walk into the same restaurant with her family and sit at the next table while you were having a romantic meal with your so called ex!.....Surprise!

You do just enough to keep my interest, you have told me I am beautiful but only by email never to my face, you have appeared upset when I ignored you. When I asked you where it was going you told me "I love my ex but if she doesn't want me, I will have you" To which I said I wasn't willing to play second best. You have used others to make me jealous, you look at me like you want to ravish me, yet we have never really had a proper conversation. You ignore me when others are around, you have never even offered to buy me a drink....You obviously don't want me, but you don't want anyone else to have me either.....

You are complicated and I won't take a risk. I may sound angry, but it is not with you, I am angry with myself for being so weak, you have behaved the same way for two years, going hot and cold....... It is me who has changed..... I may regret writing this? It was supposed to make me feel better but I only feel worse!

I want a man who puts me first and puts up with my faults. Maybe I should have made a move? Maybe I should have been nicer? Or flirted with you more? Maybe I shouldn't have talked about you to my friends? Do you even like the person I am?

I wish I didn't love it when you text me, I wish I didn't have to delete your number from my phone so that I can't text you when I am lonely. I wish I could stop myself staring at you when you are not looking, I wish I hadn't hoped you would come knocking on my door....Is it me who is scared? I am blaming you when all this is due to me? Is it time for me to take a risk? Do I have anything to lose (expect my dignity) Is there any point worrying about this now?....After all I leave the country in a few months, will you even know this is meant for you?

Is it true that fear only holds you back?

The Snugget vs. The Man Pillow

Today a friend of mine who lives in Ghana amusingly bought to my attention "The Snugget" a helpful invention frequently advertised on African TV. When I checked out the website containing a convenient "Video of the product" I giggled to myself. How innovative of some entrepreneur somewhere to invent such a product that enthusiastically asks me if I "Want a blanket that keeps you warm and cozy while comfortable to perform other activities?" I joked with her that this was a special "Single Girl" product but that I would much rather have a "Man Pillow"....

Then it got me thinking about products that pray on vulnerabilities of the "Single Chick" So I decided to objectively look at (based on advertising alone) which one was more crap "The Snugget" or "The Man Pillow"......

Team Man Pillow:

• Do you hate sleeping on your own?

• Are you unable to sleep on your own?

• Divorced, separated, widowed or just lonely?

• Is your partner away a lot?

The Man Arm Pillow is the answer. It’s the ideal bedtime companion with many advantages over sleeping with a man:

• Does not toss and turn

• Does not snore, cough or sneeze

• Does not wake you up in the middle of the night

• Will never complain

• Is always faithful

Team Snugget:

Want a blanket that keeps you warm and cozy while comfortable to perform other activities?

Snugget is a super soft, light weight fleece blanket with sleeves which can be used indoors as well as outdoors.

• Specially designed sleeves for ease of use

• Easy to use, easy to store and machine washable

• Keeps you warm and cosy

• For Indoor & Outdoor use

• Simplistic and practical design keeps your entire body covered

• Big enough for adults and kids to stretch out in comfort.

• Available in Large and Medium

• Comfortably walk around the house

• Perfect for outdoor sporting events

• Save on your heating bills

• Can replace any normal blanket

I think they are both shit, but you decide!........

And the Boy Version......
"The Girlfriend's Lap Pillow"

Don't they look peaceful??.......

Lay your head on your "girlfriend's" lap. Soft plush pillow comes complete with red miniskirt. Great for bachelor parties or actually quite functional for reading in bed.

Somehow not playing so much on the emotional side....I wonder why?

A Letter To My Old Life....

Dear Old Life,

I feel it is only fair for me to write you a farewell letter, we have become very well acquainted in the past few years......We have been waiting here at the bus stop of life for 6 years, not really moving anywhere, just waiting.........Waiting for something or someone to pick us up and take us to the place were the fun is.

We have worked hard.....Very hard, cried in the toilets, got annoyed when people didn't do what they are paid to do, voiced opinions only to have then thrown back in our face, we have been shouted at, punched and kicked, been criticised by managers over the small things...When we have tried our best to give 110% and gained no thanks, we have supported other members of staff when they have been unable to cope. We have been good....No we have been excellent at our job!

We have watched from the sidelines as others got married, had babies, met new partners and generally moved on with their lives. We have been happy for them but all the time wondering "When is it my turn?" We have been unhappy and lonely but tried not to show it. We have smiled and laughed on Christmas day and cried Boxing Day. Lived at home and made to feel worthless, thought about the same person who doesn't think about us, been self critical and depressed, but all the time we have patiently waited.........

Well the bus is here, time for us to part, as I pay my fair I wave you goodbye, thank you for the experiences you have given me but I can't say I will miss you. Now its time for me to travel to a new destination, to the place were I can be the person I have always wanted to be.....The happy, fun loving person who loves life.......The real me!

Take Care Old Life x