Glastonbury: The Departure.

So having arrived at Glastonbury under such traumatic circumstances I expected the departure to be a breeze……..Wrong! Having already decided to leave in the early hours at 2am it began to bucket it down, already out all night dancing in a club by 4am we decided it was best just to go home and sleep in a service station till morning. It would have been a good plan if it were not for the field turning into a bog!

As my wellies now had holes in them I decided that once in the car I would put on my sandals and leave my wellies by the bin and not get mud in my car. Once again wrong! Having unknowingly been directed the wrong way by a steward, my car, my friends, all the camping stuff, 3 backpacks and I attempted to drive up a muddy hill to the exit. After receiving advice from my friend to do “low revs in a high gear” I attempted the assent to the exit, but my car became stuck in the mud and I met my first “Computer says No” Glasto steward………

In his wisdom he attempted to try and advise me on how to get my car up the hill, but the wheels just kept spinning and the car began to slide backwards down the hill toward a gatepost. Eventually, it came to a precarious stop, but the steward continued to watch fellow festive goers walk behind my car between the fence post and my temporarily stationary car. In my genius, I thought it was a more intelligent (and safer) option for people to be directed around the other side of my car, but “computer says no” steward thought otherwise and continued to allow people not only up the extremely slippy hill where I was stuck and people where falling over like skittles, but around the side of my car where it potentially could slide back and crush them…..

Having sat there for two hours waiting for a tractor to tow me up the hill, my friends and I took action. Without wellies and in sandals we walked around in the mud and found a picnic blanket and some random rubbish to give to car some grip. With my friend attempting to push the car and me driving, we tried to move the car. As we did so four stupid stewards stood and watched three damsels in distress but offered no help. With my friend advising “Low Revs, high gear” I attempted again to move the car, with extreme concentration I moved the clutch and accelerator, only to hear my friend shout "Stop revving!” and turned to see her covered from head to toe on mud! Oops!

Giving up all hope of trying to leave some time this year, we decided to try again to reverse, this time with my friend driving (chanting “low revs, high gear” to herself) and me pushing, we eventually moved the car backwards down the hill onto a dirt track…. Relieved we thought escape was imminent…..Wrong!

Despite watching a Landover drive down the dirt track, a second “computer says no” steward was adamant that the only way out was back up the hill and wanted us to wait for the tractor to tow us up the hill. However, after arguing with three tired, muddy, angry women for an hour he eventually gave in and let us drive “A way we are not allowed” for two minutes down a nice tarmaced road and out of Glastonbury for good……..We can laugh about it now at least!