Recently I have been thinking about who I am...and more to the point who I want to be..... I keep hearing this person talking....in fact, moaning. Mostly about negative stuff, like about how men don't like her, about how she is overweight, how she is miserable at work, how she is sick of most of her work mates incompetence bla bla bla.
I keep feeling the emotions of someone who is angry at everyone for her dissatisfaction with life, someone who is nervous about the future and scared of the unknown. I want to tell her to stop moaning; does she not have anything good to say? Can she not see the bright side? Then suddenly I walk past a mirror and see this red faced individual, in the worse NHS uniform in the west, someone who needs her hair cutting, someone who everyone else is avoiding or sniggering at....Oh No, It’s me!
The thing is the person I want to be I keep locked inside, the happy, positive, kind, loving, outgoing, confident, bohemian me. I have this picture in my mind of another me in a parallel universe.......She is in the countryside or in a park, wearing a summer dress and sunglasses, long hair flying everywhere, going somewhere on a bicycle with a wicker basket on the front filled with flowers, she a smiling, she says nice things about people, she is content, she is bohemian, she is happy, she is me!.....
I can identify with some of what your saying. I felt like this too and am slowly trying to realise myself to be who I want to be. My advice: baby steps. Get your hair cut. Start excercising (even though you're going travelling soon). Try and makes a conscious effort to be nice to one person everyday and to 'count your blessings' corny though it is. I've found this has really helped me.
ReplyDeleteSo true... how the years fly, n you take notice only when they are already gone... seems to me as if am sleep walking through life with things just going at a super-fast speed around me and all i can do is look at them fly by... some solace in knowing that m not d only one though... ;)
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