A letter to you.....The one you actually read.

"You've already won me over in spite of me and don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet" ~ Alanis Morissette.

For once a letter to you that you actually got to read.......


Well I could have really loved you....You could have been the most important thing in the world to me....You may even have been happy with me.....

Yes you may think I am childish for saying this but I think for a long time I did actually love you...And I think for once in my life on that Saturday afternoon as I wiped away your tears I was actually happy....

Well this is where it stops...I'm glad you spoke to me badly, I'm glad you ignored me all night because it made me realise I am actually worth nothing to you! I only said what I did so you would pay me some attention, I would never have done anything to intentionally hurt you.

From now on I will not be texting you when I'm lonely. I will not be inflating your ego by flirting with you; I will never secretly look at you from across the room hoping you give me five minutes of your time. I will never again think about you as I fall asleep, wishing it was you holding me and I will never ever again give up my job because a man played mind games with me.

I regret telling you what I did. I only did because I thought you cared for me and I could tell you anything...Obviously I was wrong.

I really truly hope your ex takes you back, I hope she makes you happy and you forgive yourself for whatever it is you did. You were never the “but of my jokes” in fact I defended you when people said you were worthless.....My feelings for you have already ruined my chance of having someone else love me. I will not allow you to do that again.

I am deleting you from facebook....and would appreciate it if you didn't text or email me again. I can't be just your "friend" I have enough friends who really do care about me and you don't get to treat me like this.

You would have been so lucky to have me....and I don't blow my own trumpet often.

Have a happy life x

A letter to you....Things I can't say.

We have been in this limbo for far to long.......Two years in fact! You playing your mind games, me lapping up every little bit of attention, allowing you to make me feel wanted...you never doing enough to take things any further. Me wanting to be pursued, you never hot in pursuit. I have thought about you, fantasied about you, worried about you, even missed you when you were away.... All the while knowing you were not the man I had dreamed of.....

I have talked about you endlessly to my friends and ignored their advice, I have allowed myself to invent a different you in my mind, a person who wanted me and wasn't afraid to admit it. A person with integrity who had concern for others, instead you showed your true colours.... You are afraid.

What a shock it must have been to have the girl you have spent all night texting coincidentally walk into the same restaurant with her family and sit at the next table while you were having a romantic meal with your so called ex!.....Surprise!

You do just enough to keep my interest, you have told me I am beautiful but only by email never to my face, you have appeared upset when I ignored you. When I asked you where it was going you told me "I love my ex but if she doesn't want me, I will have you" To which I said I wasn't willing to play second best. You have used others to make me jealous, you look at me like you want to ravish me, yet we have never really had a proper conversation. You ignore me when others are around, you have never even offered to buy me a drink....You obviously don't want me, but you don't want anyone else to have me either.....

You are complicated and I won't take a risk. I may sound angry, but it is not with you, I am angry with myself for being so weak, you have behaved the same way for two years, going hot and cold....... It is me who has changed..... I may regret writing this? It was supposed to make me feel better but I only feel worse!

I want a man who puts me first and puts up with my faults. Maybe I should have made a move? Maybe I should have been nicer? Or flirted with you more? Maybe I shouldn't have talked about you to my friends? Do you even like the person I am?

I wish I didn't love it when you text me, I wish I didn't have to delete your number from my phone so that I can't text you when I am lonely. I wish I could stop myself staring at you when you are not looking, I wish I hadn't hoped you would come knocking on my door....Is it me who is scared? I am blaming you when all this is due to me? Is it time for me to take a risk? Do I have anything to lose (expect my dignity) Is there any point worrying about this now?....After all I leave the country in a few months, will you even know this is meant for you?

Is it true that fear only holds you back?