Wooton Bassett.

Sometimes you watch something on the television that turns you into a pathetic blubbering wreak. A shadow of your former self without any warning and it always occurs on the day you are out of tissues!

Last night was an example of that, the story on Wootton Basset, the small Wilshire Market Town that became the centre of national mourning at the loss of the UK's young service men and women in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Wooton Bassett is located close to RAF Lyneham, where the soldiers were repatriated. On the journey to the motorway and their hometowns, they were driven though the town centre. The story followed members of the Royal British Legion who decided to organise a small gathering of local people who wanted to pay their respects, which then turned to thousands and became the focus of a nation.

One story particularly got to me, it wasn't the families, their grief was obvious. It was the story of the quiet remembrance of an old solider who collected up the cards left by the families and created a book of remembrance. He cried as he showed it, telling stories of children who would grow up without their fathers. He explained "I didn't want them damaged, blown away or wet by the rain, so I put them in here." The front on the book read "WE WILL REMEMBER THEM" and I cried like a baby.

Apparently the town in now "Royal Wooton Bassett" an honour given by the Queen as thanks for the support the local people gave to the families of those fallen soldiers. In the words of Barack Obama "We want to honour our fallen warriors with the respect and gratitude they deserve, whether it be here or in the small town of Wootton Bassett. Where people line the streets in a solemn tribute that represents the best of British character."

I may have cried buckets, but for once I was proud to be British.

When to stay away......

Can you judge someone on the decisions they make in their own lives? Even when you know it's the wrong one. Should you intervene at the risk of being accused of interfering, even if you would be stopping them from making what could be the worse mistake of their lives? Or do you just stand back, let them make their own decisions and be ready to pick up the pieces, even though you knew all along that it would end that way.....

What do you do when someone is insisting of putting a wrecking ball though their lives and hurting those who love them the most?....

Where are the boys when you need them?

When I saw it was sunny this morning I had the genius idea of going to buy a laptop, as I am sick of having to do my degree work inside the house, while outside the sun is shining and everyone is enjoying themselves! So off I went to the shopping centre.

After a couple of panicking phone calls to my IT geek little brother, a super quick purchase of a sports bra and an argument with the shop assistant over my incorrect use of the “none lingerie” changing room, despite the fact that it was in fact the only changing room on that floor. I nervously headed over to the laptop area as I tried to remember what my brother had said “Was it 2 megabytes or gigabytes? Was it a 500 hard drive and a 200? What does all this mean anyway? I bet they know I have no idea what I am on about!"

You see this trauma is a daily occurrence for me in my endlessly “single girl” state. I try to pretend I am a modern independent woman, but when it comes to stuff like this, I fail miserably. Other women, those who have men in their lives, would just have to stand there and look pretty, while the saleman talks in boy to their gadget happy other half. Happy in the knowledge that they were not being ripped off simply because they are a girl.

In my head life seems so much easier, but I suppose the grass is always greener.

Either way, I was ripped off and in the process totally forgot get “office” as I was convinced Windows and Office were the same thing and they just magicially appear on your computer with no effort at all on my part.

Fail.

£700 pounds plus £90 for Office later,

I am poor.

Shame.

One Man.

"One of the most difficult things is not to change society but to change yourself" ~ Nelson Mandela.


Last night as I lay in bed, I started to watch a movie about Nelson Mandela. It was called "Goodnight Bafana" it was a movie based on the memoirs of Nelson Mandela's prision guard and how their relationship turns from a racist guarding a "terrorist" to a friendship based on mutual respect.

It got me thinking...

I was 9 years old.
Every weekend we would be looked after by my Nana. As my Mum worked night shifts and was sleeping during the day, so we spent the weekends with my Nana. Usually we baked, played in her garden or went plane spotting with my Grandad. However, that day was different, instead of playing out we watched the television.

As I sat there wondering why we weren't allowed to play out my Nana called me over, I sat on her knee and we waited. I vividly remember her saying "You must remember this moment, it is so important in history. It is so important for everyone's future. You will promise me you will remember this.. won't you?" With innocent eyes, I promised her I would.

Only now, through the eyes of an adult, do I realise the significance of that moment. Only now, when I see the footage do I remember her words. Only when I went to visit Cape Town for myself observed the people, black and white, and saw how the inequalities still remain in their society. Only now when I went to Robben Island, The District Six Museum, and read the plaque outside the Town Hall from where he made his first speech, do I see the impact one man can have on his country and the world. Still I couldn't help but wonder...Why such a small plaque for such I momentous speech?

Friends, comrades and fellow South Africans. I greet you all in the name of peace, democracy and freedom for all. I stand here before you not as a prophet but as a humble servant of you, the people. Your tireless and heroic sacrifices have made it possible for me to be here today. I therefore place the remaining years of my life in your hands.


Nelson Mandela.
"Nelson" being a name given to him by his white school teacher.
He is loved above all other throughout Africa.
His real name Rolihlahla means "to pull a branch of a tree" or "troublemaker".
Apt I think.

For the Fallen.

They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old: Age shall not weary them, nor the years contemn. At the going down of the sun and in the morning We will remember them...

Just because it moved me........

Just because no one knows.....

"I sing because I'm happy. I sing because I'm free. His eye is on the sparrow and I know he watches me."


Ever since I can remember I have loved to sing. I still know all the words to The Little Mermaid. When I was little I used to think that one day I would meet "My Eric" and we would live happily ever after. Now I'm older I know that is not going to happen.

I can remember being told to "shut up" by my Dad when I sang. I can remember him recruiting my older sister to belittle me as they would wait outside my bedroom for me to start singing. Then brust in the door so they could laugh in my face and tell me how terrible I was. Now I only sing to myself when know one is around.

A few years ago two of my friends clubbed together and got the best present I ever received. Singing lessons. That is how I met Rachel she has gone from singing teacher to one of my closest friends in the world. I introduce her as "My Opera Singing Friend" because I am so proud of what she does. She is a bucket of positive energy to my half empty attitude. She exactly what I need and she is the only person who has ever heard me sing properly and not laughed.

I have a love affair with Musicals and I cry when I watch them. Probably because I wish it was me. I can remember when my love affair started, it was when I watched "The Phantom of the Opera" when I was 10 years old. My Mum and Nana had decided to take my older sister and I as a treat. I remember being to small to see the stage and sitting on a booster seat. As the lights went down and the music boomed around the theatre, I was mesmerised and hooked for life!

Then came the final scene. I tried so hard not to cry, I felt the burn as the lump in my throat tried to fight its way out. Then suddenly I wailed like the child I was....

The whole theatre seemed to turn to stare at me. I was so embarrassed and hid my red face on my Mum's lap, but the women just smiled at me with understanding, I was allowed to cry, I was a child, they were not. From that day on a became a "Musical Junkie"

So here you are. You are now one of only a few people who knows my secret.

My hidden passion.

Just because it makes me smile....

Just because I want happiness

"Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed." ~ Storm Jameson.

Seen as though I feel like I have done nothing but moan in my last few posts. I have decided to re-post an old post from last year about things that make me happy.
It all counts, the big things and the small things, even if it was just for a second......

So here goes.......

Clean washing.
Sunday roast.
The smell of the rain.
Sunshine on my face.
Sun beams breaking through the clouds.
Postcards from my friend.
Conversations with my nan.
My mum's eyes when she gets excited.......Oh and her over dramatic wave.
A baby's laughter.
Smiles from my god daughter.
The smell of winter.
Flowers.
Carousels.
The fairground.
Crunching ice under your feet.
Snowball fights.
Lying in a field on a hot summers day.
Having picnic's in the park.
Ice cream.
Chocolate.
Playing fetch with a excitable dog.
Driving down old English country lanes.
The beech.
Pubs in the winter with an open fire.
Campervans.
Cuddles on the sofa.
Driving and singing very obviously to a great song.
Feeding the ducks.
Relaxing into a hot bath.
My hair after its been washed.
Giving someone a massage.
My bed.
Cuddling up in front of the telly.
Getting a funny message on facebook.
Good food and great company.
Musicals...Especially on the Westend!
Laughing till it hurts.
A great book.
My slippers.
The beep of a text message.
My pink backpack.
The way my dog wiggles her bum when she is excited.
Trying on the perfect outfit.
Dancing to a great song.
Hitting that perfect note.
Thanks from a patient.
Sitting in my nan's back garden.
Walking on crunchy leaves.
The Woods.
Live music.
Sitting by the river.
A great view.
Taking my shoes off after a long day.
Driving home from work with the windows down.
Sunday mornings when no one else is around.
Candle light.
The chill of a church.
The countryside.
Daffodil's.
Finishing a painting.
Capturing that perfect moment with my camera.
Chick flicks.
Singing into my hairbrush.
Hearing a great song.
Crying at a great Movie.
The Book Store.
Soft skin.
That clean feeling after a shower.
The smell of soap.
My hand cream.
Having a lie in on a day off.

Just because I love to sing........

Time to be selfish....

I have been thinking a lot lately about my future. I feel like I'm at a bit of a cross roads and I need to make a decision about which road I want to take. I just feel like I need to make a change, a positive change and stop beating myself up over the actions of others.

Yes, I make life difficult for myself. Yes, I allow myself to feel worthless because people treat me badly and Yes, I convince myself that no one could ever love me. Well, I'm sick of it! One day someone will look at me and see the kind person I am, one day someone will want to get to know the real me, one day someone will want to chat to me without being condescending and one day I will be worth something to someone...

Until then I am going to do what makes ME happy.....If I want to move jobs.. I will. If I want go back to university... I will. If I want to sing.. I will and If I want to volunteer in Africa.. I will!

A friend said to me the other day "Do everything while you can because one day you won't be able too!" She was so right! xx

Dear New Life...

I have been feeling really down latey, moaned about it to my friend who told me to re-read an email I sent her when I got back from my travels..... So here it is......

Hey Lady,

How are you? Yes I was stalking you! lol. So I'm home.....My first full day today.....hmm, not so sure, everything is the same. I'm pretending I'm still away on facebook, so that know one can start with the "already" thing a few people have said it and it makes me feel like a failure.....I know that is dramatic but it is how I'm feeling....(sorry to moan...your just miss positive and I hoped you wouldn't mind)

New Zealand was amazing though! Missing it already...think I miss the people I met there though...who were actually English....Its a shame I didn't get a working visa for there instead! I will definately go back!

I have kind of promised myself I wouldn't slip back into my old life....I have band myself from going back to my old job but I owe my mum about 2 grand now so that maybe unlikely....

Feeling the need to leave Manchester soon but that Art course is here.....Thankfully its only a year, but is the best one in the country....then I was thinking about heading for the bright lights of London....

I met a girl travelling who told me to write down all the things I want to do when I get home so I do them.....So I am gonna tell you them so you can remind me when I am being negative again! So.....

Dear Diary (Rach)

Here are the things i must do when I get home:
1. Move out of mums
2. Sing more.
3. Learn to ski.
4. Do the TEFL course/teach english somewhere crazy.
5. Do a cooking course/language course/history course.
6. Go hand gliding.
7. Exercise more/Go swimming (often)
8. Visit Europe mainly Rome/China/India.
9. Do more photography.
10. Paint.
11. Move out of Manchester.
12. Be positive.
13. Do an infectious diseases course and be a volunteer medic.

I found a neckless in New Zealand.....it is a Maori symbol "the Koru" its apparently an unfolding fern meaning "new beginnings, new life, growth and strength" I really like it.....I'm hoping it reminds me of all the promises I have made to myself....maybe its crazy!

Anyway, enough about me.....So the London move??? Is it on?? I must come and see you soon where ever you are.....

Tell me all your gossip! lol!

Big love Lady, Love Me xxx

The Summer Fete...

Yesterday my sister invited me to come to her local Village Fete. Interesting, I thought... a nice way to spend a summer afternoon and embrace my Englishness. However, as the Village Gala Queen and row after row of Morris Dancers passed me, followed by the dance round the Maypole. I had an inner confession to make....I am a City Girl. Don't get me wrong I like the countryside as much as anyone and sometimes I even think I might like to live there, but in reality I think I prefer the city.

There is something about the Village Fete that I find weird......Do parents actually enjoy dressing their children up in the most awful and embarrassing outfits they can find? Is it so they can show the photo to everyone at their 18th birthday party?? Also is it not odd to allow your child to appear in public wearing a leopard skin cat suit??

Admittedly, I love the sense of community in a village that the city lacks. I love the fact that the kids can play with their friends with peace of mind and yes the Yorkshire countryside is lovely, but in reality a prefer the anonymity of the City. Either way, fully grown men Morris Dancing is just weird, city or not!

For the Fallen....

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old: Age shall not weary them, nor the years contemn. At the going down of the sun and in the morning We will remember them...

Shihoko, My Friend.

Last night I decided to look through the box I keep under my bed of tokens from my childhood......I hadn't thought about her for years and suddenly there she was, in the picture like it was only yesterday....Shihoko, My friend.

When I was ten a family from Japan moved into my street, their arrival sparked an interest in the local children mainly because of Shihoko, their daughter. She was little and shy, sweet natured and kind, interesting and different. Shihoko's father was working at the local University and Shihoko was put into my class at the local school. My teacher thought I should be the one to help her with her English and it was arranged with our parents that I would help her after school. Despite the language barrier and with the enthusiasm of ten year olds we found a common love of my little ponies, barbie and my grandmother's pet dogs and we quickly became inseparable. I remember how she would make me origami swans and frogs that could leap in the air as a token of friendship and how we would giggle for hours playing with them.


I vividly recall how clever she was and how impressed I was at the speed she acquired a completely new language. Only now as an adult, do I see how difficult this must have been for her and how alienated she must have felt. I remember how fascinated I was by her family, who were so different from my own. I remember how dignified and respectful we were. I smile as I remember my surprise at the way they would sit on the floor to eat.


Then six months after she arrived she left, her father had completed his work and they returned to Japan. I missed her at first, she would write to me, but I didn't write back...I regret that now. As I look at the cards she sent me all those years ago, I am fascinated by how beautiful they are. They feel like silk, the art work is so detailed and the effort that must have gone into her writing them intrigues me. How they were wasted on a ten year old.


I wonder how her life turned out? I bet she learnt English fluently and in a way the would put my Japanese to shame. I will probably never see her again, but I hope she is happy, maybe I should write to her after all?

Before you're thirty says Google

I will be 28 in exactly 10 days.....28! How did that happen? I feel like I'm still 16! I must say that is far to close to 30! I remember my mum turning 30, I remember that my grandad gave her a gun shaped lighter because she said everyone should be shot at 30......I remember thinking about what my life would be like when I hit the big three zero, I thought I would be married , have at least one child and have a pretty house somewhere....Oh now wrong I was!

During the wee small hours of one of my night shifts I got thinking about what I am supposed to have achieved by 30 and with the help of the gospel of google I found this......

Here, we cut out the non-essential experiences and present the definitive list of 30 Things You Really, Really Should Do Before You're 30.

Dye your hair/have an unwise haircut/shave your head: Often as part of an unwise identification with a particular style of music, such as punk, goth or Nu-metal.

Move out of your parents home: obviously! Maybe even be on the propety ladder.

Women: purchase your first pair of Manolo Blahnik or Jimmy Choo shoes. Men: purchase, then dispose of, some deeply unsuitable footwear: Cowboy boots, winkle pickers, brothel creepers ...

Lose a fight: After 30 you should be able to settle things amicably.

Attend a wedding/funeral of a contemporary: Both important reminders of the fleeting nature of time.

Start writing a novel/film script/slim volume of deeply embarrassing poetry: ... which will haunt you from the bottom drawer.

Spend a night sleeping outside: Whether it's on a Greek beach, or in a London doorway after a particularly damaging night out.

Stay up for 48 hours: Believe me, you will never be able to do this after you've turned 30.

Have your heart broken: If this hasn't happened by the time you're 30, you're clearly emotionally subnormal.

Kill an animal: A bird, a fish, a terminally ill family pet.

Drive a sports car extremely fast while wearing sunglasses: Get it out of your system before the grey hairs appear.

Lose a week's wages in a casino: See above.

Make your first million: Wishful thinking, perhaps, but if you plan to be seriously rich, it's good to start early.

Have a pregnancy scare: An important part of the emotional maturing process.

Have a one-night stand: See above.

Have an office romance: See above.

Have sex somewhere peculiar: Aeroplane lav, boss's desk, pod on the London Eye, the central hall of Tate Modern ...

Be naked in public: Streaking, skinny-dipping or just simple forgetfulness.

Have, at the very least, a flirtation with a minor celebrity: It's important to be able to point at the television screen and say: "I've snogged him/her." NB this does not apply to Blue Peter pets.

Give up a well paid job to find yourself: ... before succumbing to a life of soul-eroding wage slavery.

Have a quarter-life crisis: Probably as a result of the above.

Do a McJob: Something deeply menial but soul-improving.

Be so short of cash you have to sell something: Record collection, family heirloom, kidney, sexual favours.

Work your way around Australia: It takes a while, and you can't get a permit to do casual work once you're over 30. Other continents are also acceptable.

Grow out of cannabis: Youthful experimentation is all very well, but a fuddled thirtysomething with a passion for Pink Floyd and a hunger for Frosties is just embarrassing.

Get arrested: For a minor offence, obviously: something like disturbing the peace, which suggests you're not a terminal conformist. At the very least, you should have been breathalysed.

Get a tattoo: Absurd if you're over 30.

Start your own dotcom: ... and see it fail. You'll have a chance to bounce back into a proper job.

Drink yourself unconscious: And wake up with only the haziest, shabbiest memories of the night before.

Have embarrassing photographs of you posted on a website by friends: Possibly as a result of the above.

It made me laugh, I still have a few to tick off yet!.....Next will be my bucket list!........

The Quarter-Life Crisis..Episode One

I was chatting to my friend in Ghana today, she informed me she is having a "Quarter-Life Crisis." Intrigued and slightly amused I asked her what that was and she sent me a link to a Wikipedia page.... Apparently the quarter-life crisis happens in your twenties to the early thirties.

Characteristics of quarter-life crisis may include:

1. Feeling "not good enough" because one can't find a job that is at one's academic/intellectual level.
2. Frustration with relationships, the working world, and finding a suitable job or career.
3. Confusion of identity.
4. Insecurity regarding the near future.
5. Insecurity concerning long-term plans, life goals.
6. Insecurity regarding present accomplishments.
7. Re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships.
8. Disappointment with one's job.
9. Nostalgia for university life.
10. Tendency to hold stronger opinions.
11. Boredom with social interactions.
12. Loss of closeness to high school and University friends.
13. Financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans)
14. Loneliness.
15. Desire to have children.
16. A sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than you.
17. Frustration with societal ills.

My friend quickly diagnosed that I had recently been through my "Quarter-Life Crisis" hence, the life changing decisions I have made about my life (I'm going traveling, then leaving nursing and going back to university to study Art) Hmm, I think she could be right!.....It must be true if its on Wikipedia, Right??.....