So many questions.....

"A picture is worth a thousand words"
Chinese Proverb.

One thing I have always loved about my life is that I know exactly where I come from. My family roots run very deep into this little town of mine and I have always been very aware of it thanks to my relationship with my grandmother. She has always been very proud of it and has always made sure she tells me everything she can about our family history.

A few years ago my Great Grandmother died and my Grandmother inherited all the old family photos. I vividly remember sitting in her back room with her writing people's names on the back of old photo's. While my Grandmother talked about the people they were, as she told me "I don't want them forgotten" A few years on and suddenly those photographs hold a lot more interest for me. I don't know why but a few months ago I started researching my family history.

It amazed me how little we actually knew. Names and dates forgotten, to my grandmother's horror within her living memory. With the help of the Internet I did find out quite a lot but there is photograph after photograph of unknown individuals forgotten with the passage of time. One man now only referred to as the "unknown solider" by my dad.

I just can't help wondering what life he hold, how his family suffered and what became of him.
I have a million questions and no answers, we will probably never know.
I think the pictures speak for themselves.....Endless questions that remain unanswered.

My 2010 in Pictures.

You don't take a photograph, you ask quietly to borrow it. ~ Unknown Author.

January:
February:
March:
April:
May:
June:
July:

August:
September:
October:

November:

December:

For more of my photo's from this year, check out my flickr account.

Smells like Winter...

The colour of springtime is in the flowers, the colour of winter is the imagination. ~ Terri Guillemets.


Sometimes, you wake up and realise how beautiful the world really is.
This morning, we had our first proper frost.
You know that blanket of frost that signals that winter has well and truly arrived.
I went downstairs and went out side...Maybe not the greatest plan in dressing gown and slippers.
It was lovely though, my breath visible in the cold air, the sun catching the ice in just the right way, making it shine like diamonds along the fence.
It smells so good, it smells like Winter.
So my friend and I took a drive into the country, well worth it.
Beautiful isn't it...


We found a pub with an open fire and debated all that is wrong in the world.
A great way to spend a Winter day.
Maybe now I should brave the Christmas Market?
Mulled wine, my favourite gloves and a big old scarf will do quite nicely.
Thank you.

A year ago today....

"To love oneself is the beginning of a life long romance." Oscar Wilde.

A year ago today, I embarked on the trip of a lifetime.
16 countries in 6 months.

I was full of hope that I was taking stock of my life.
I wanted to take back control of a life I hated, instead of ambling along and letting the years past me unnoticed. I was full of excitement and hope that I was walking down a new path....One that would make me feel good about myself, one that would lead me to happiness. One that would change everything.

I took risks, jumped out of aeroplanes thousands of feet up, jumped off a bridge because I could, trekked the jungle in search of gorilla's, slept on the ground night after night, while ants climbed all over me and mozzies feasted on me...


One problem, I had to take myself along too, complete with all my demons.
The demons that stop me doing things at home. The demons that whisper in my ear that "You are not good enough! Why would anyone ever love you!"

I slept under the stars on the Serengeti and worried that "She is far prettier than me, he must like her."
I sat at the top of Table Mountain and worried that the Irish guy I met, who obviously fancied me, might try something later and I would freak out.
I watched a beautiful pink sunrise in New Zealand, while I worried that I was far to boring for the guy sleeping in the next tent.
I was so consumed with myself and my feelings that I could not see what was around me.........
I wasted the most amazing 6 months of my life so far.

Now I'm back at home.
What a waste....

Fyfe Dangerfield - She's Always A Woman

One Man.

"One of the most difficult things is not to change society but to change yourself" ~ Nelson Mandela.


Last night as I lay in bed, I started to watch a movie about Nelson Mandela. It was called "Goodnight Bafana" it was a movie based on the memoirs of Nelson Mandela's prision guard and how their relationship turns from a racist guarding a "terrorist" to a friendship based on mutual respect.

It got me thinking...

I was 9 years old.
Every weekend we would be looked after by my Nana. As my Mum worked night shifts and was sleeping during the day, so we spent the weekends with my Nana. Usually we baked, played in her garden or went plane spotting with my Grandad. However, that day was different, instead of playing out we watched the television.

As I sat there wondering why we weren't allowed to play out my Nana called me over, I sat on her knee and we waited. I vividly remember her saying "You must remember this moment, it is so important in history. It is so important for everyone's future. You will promise me you will remember this.. won't you?" With innocent eyes, I promised her I would.

Only now, through the eyes of an adult, do I realise the significance of that moment. Only now, when I see the footage do I remember her words. Only when I went to visit Cape Town for myself observed the people, black and white, and saw how the inequalities still remain in their society. Only now when I went to Robben Island, The District Six Museum, and read the plaque outside the Town Hall from where he made his first speech, do I see the impact one man can have on his country and the world. Still I couldn't help but wonder...Why such a small plaque for such I momentous speech?

Friends, comrades and fellow South Africans. I greet you all in the name of peace, democracy and freedom for all. I stand here before you not as a prophet but as a humble servant of you, the people. Your tireless and heroic sacrifices have made it possible for me to be here today. I therefore place the remaining years of my life in your hands.


Nelson Mandela.
"Nelson" being a name given to him by his white school teacher.
He is loved above all other throughout Africa.
His real name Rolihlahla means "to pull a branch of a tree" or "troublemaker".
Apt I think.

For the Fallen.

They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old: Age shall not weary them, nor the years contemn. At the going down of the sun and in the morning We will remember them...

Sorry.

An apology is the super glue of life. It can repair just about anything. ~ Lynn Johnston.


Dear Friend,

How do I fix this without seeming like I am begging for your forgiveness? In some ways I don't take back what I said, some of it was the truth and I did feel that you wronged my friend. However, you were a great friend to me and I was wrong to get involved in someone else's disagreement especially when I ended up looking like the bad one.

I am sorry for what happened, I hope you realise how much I cared when I rang you from Cape Town to apologise to you. I felt awkward when I got home pretending everything was OK between us especially as I knew that you no longer trusted me. I felt bad when your husband and sister deleted me from facebook which made me feel like I was no longer welcome to visit when you had your baby, so I stayed away.

I know this situation makes our mutual friends feel awkward and I seem to be losing more friends than I gaining lately. Maybe I deserve it?

When I saw you today in Starbucks, I felt like it was fate. Especially as I was talking about this situation to our mutual friend when our eyes met from across the room.


Is it true what you said to her?
Do you miss me as a friend?
I am sorry.
I miss you too.