Why My Travel Agent Hates Me....

Remember me telling you about my love for my travel agent Rory??...When I first met him he commented on "What an easy customer I was"...... How wrong he was! I think I was probably agreeing to anything he said because of his smoldering good looks, but now I think I have turned into a nightmare.....You know the one..... The indecisive first time traveller with a stressed out mother! Oops! I feel the love affair could be over....

When I first went to STA Travel in February I had a female travel agent who was Japanese, a lovely lady but I couldn't understand her, so the second time I went in I took a friend and we saw "My Rory" He kept telling me the other travel agent "Would be free soon" but I asked if I could stay with him...He was a bit uncomfortable about stealing his work mates commission but eventually agreed.

At first I wanted to go to Oz, New Zealand, South America, and Africa. I had him on the phone to all these different overland tours and he happily booked me on them. The third time I went in I took my mother who was stressing out, seen as though she has never left the country and is convinced I am going to be murdered. She bombarded to poor guy with millions of questions...Eventually he explained what "local charges" were and it blew my budget so I had to cancel the South America section.....More messing for him, cancelling tours, working out new prices and changing my flight from Rio de Janerio to Auckland. (I was becoming a pain)

The fourth time I went in my mum had to come because she had a massive credit limit on her credit card and although I had the money in the bank I wanted security of payment on a credit card. Again she asked lots of questions.... all the while I kept elbowing her and muttering "Just give him the card!" Until eventually she handed it over......

Everyone was happy until I read in one of my hundreds of travel books under the heading "When not to go" and I quote "March: Rains soak your safari and make roads impassable" Not the best when you are in a truck on an overland tour! So yesterday I plucked up the courage to email him (because I was to chicken to speak to him directly) and told him that I wanted to change my tours, outbound dates and pretty much everything again! The poor guy... I'm sure he will end up putting me on that plane himself just to be sure that I have actually left the country!

The Quarter-Life Crisis..Episode 2

In school was never that academic and generally was "Miss Average" in all subjects...... expect Art. In my art class I excelled, I was never happier than when my hands were covered in paint and music was blasting in the background for me to sing along too. In fact, I was even more happier singing than painting, but I never had the confidence to join the choir or sing in public. So I hid in the Art Room and got better and better.

When it came to leave High School, I nervously applied to Art School, got an interview and took my portfolio along. A lady there interviewed me, but worryingly everyone else seemed so much better than me. She looked through my portfolio, which contained work that I had spent hours perfecting. With a face I couldn't read, she looked at me and said "It's not that good, but we have never had anyone from your school before" I did get a place on the course but being the sensitive person I am my confidence was knocked and I felt I had failed.....

A friend of mine suggested nursing which I had never thought of doing, but I felt I would be the worse one in Art School after her comments, so I eventually got a place on a Nursing course and qualified in 2004. I tried to love nursing, but an extremely busy ward was not the place for a perfectionist who couldn't give the care she wanted. So I moved wards thinking that would solve my problem but it made it worse. I have worked hard for five years, worked with some fantastic people and given my patients the best care I can....all the while feeling like my life was standing still....My friend called it my "Quarter-life Crisis" I considered buying a house but when I realised I would be single, in a job I hate and in a life I didn't much like with a mortgage to pay, I decided to spend all the money I had saved for a house to travel the world. So I nervously booked my trip for November this year.

On a day that was the same as any other fate stepped in..... As I put medications into a medicine pot, a patient asked me if I had gone into nursing from high school, I don't know what made me say it, but I told him I had a place on an Art course but didn't take it up. Suddenly he took hold of my hand, immediately grabbing my full attention. He told me he was an Art Lecturer on the course and as it turned out his wife was the woman who had interviewed me! With his encouragement and constructive criticism from his wife, I have reapplied and start University in September 2010. After my "Gap Year" that is.....I know all this may seem crazy to some people but I'm hoping this is the start of a happier, more confident phase of my life......The life I was supposed to lead!

And the Oscar goes to......

harry 017, originally uploaded by Noonie28.

This little angel is Harry; A few months ago Harry’s mum had a new baby, so good friend as I am I got her a present. Deciding on a soap set so Harry's mum could pamper herself, I found some pretty wrapping paper, wrapped it and took it round to Harry's house. Harry got very excited when he saw the present and asked his mum if he could open it, with the enthusiasm of a 5 year old he ripped the wrapping paper off and loudly exclaimed "WOW!" When Harry's mum enquired what it was, Harry said "I don't know"

An Oscar winning performance if ever I saw one!.....

It was acceptable in the Eighties!

As a darling of the eighties I feel I am well within my rights to moan about my recent experiences in relation to the sudden and unexpected revival of 80's fashion. Apart from the birth of myself and most of my friend's, nothing actually happened in the eighties did it?

However, imagine my horror when I was innocently going about my daily shopping business, when I stumbled into New Look only to find the eighties were back with a BANG! It was like stepping into a time machine, where no one had actually realised how repulsive eighties fashion was. With "I think we're alone now" by Tiffany playing in the background, hanging there like they weren't a crime against fashion were illuminus earrings, in various sizes and colours....bright pink, bright yellow, bright blue, waiting for some innocent chav thinking they are a trend setter to actually purchase them. In my haste to leave the shop I nearly fell over a display......When suddenly there they were.......goading......mocking me for once owning a pair.....Pink Leg warmers! Arrh!

Hoping it was confided to New Look alone, I escaped into what I considered a more upmarket shop only to find that they too had be infected. At that moment I knew I would see them again, I knew they would raise their ugly head.....I prayed that the general public weren't that stupid, that they had learnt their lesson the last time and burnt every last reminding pair........But today, there they were!.... Walking past me in the Trafford Centre.....The dreaded ski pants!

Now I am convinced it's only a matter of time before I see them again, before someone somewhere digs one out of their wardrobe, dusts it off and sends firefighters everywhere into a blind panic......Before the year is out someone, somewhere in Britain WILL wear a Shell Suit in Public! God help us all!!

The Quarter-Life Crisis..Episode One

I was chatting to my friend in Ghana today, she informed me she is having a "Quarter-Life Crisis." Intrigued and slightly amused I asked her what that was and she sent me a link to a Wikipedia page.... Apparently the quarter-life crisis happens in your twenties to the early thirties.

Characteristics of quarter-life crisis may include:

1. Feeling "not good enough" because one can't find a job that is at one's academic/intellectual level.
2. Frustration with relationships, the working world, and finding a suitable job or career.
3. Confusion of identity.
4. Insecurity regarding the near future.
5. Insecurity concerning long-term plans, life goals.
6. Insecurity regarding present accomplishments.
7. Re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships.
8. Disappointment with one's job.
9. Nostalgia for university life.
10. Tendency to hold stronger opinions.
11. Boredom with social interactions.
12. Loss of closeness to high school and University friends.
13. Financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans)
14. Loneliness.
15. Desire to have children.
16. A sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than you.
17. Frustration with societal ills.

My friend quickly diagnosed that I had recently been through my "Quarter-Life Crisis" hence, the life changing decisions I have made about my life (I'm going traveling, then leaving nursing and going back to university to study Art) Hmm, I think she could be right!.....It must be true if its on Wikipedia, Right??.....

Cry Me a River.

So following yesterdays disaster of a day, it occurred to me that I cry..... often!.....
I cry when I'm happy, I cry when I'm sad, I cry when I'm angry. The thing is I'm not one of those lucky people who looks fine two minutes later....Nope, I look like a beetroot with goggle eyes for about three hours afterwards....Great!
Here's some of my most recent cryage......

I cried because an epidural pump wouldn't stop bleeping.....for 4 hours.
I cried because a Doctor pissed me off.
I cried because I lost my sim card.
I cried because the imbecile in my works car park confiscated my car parking past because I forgot to put my new permit on my car.....Doesn't he know it expires at the END of July?
I cried because my brother graduated university.
I cried because I watched the movie "My Sister's Keeper"
I cried when I watched the Lion King on the West End and Broadway....but not at the end....at the beginning!
I cried when I watched Susan Boyle on Britain's Got Talent.
I cried at "How do you solve a problem like Maria" in front of my whole family.
I cried at Tom Hanks in Castaway when he lost his friend Wilson the football....
I laughed when a date cried at the movie in the pursuit of happiness and I didn't......Oops!

Why am I always dying???

I have this friend, outwardly she appears normal, confident, attractive........However, the other day she rang me and asked me to sit down to hear her news.......

My Friend: Can I tell you something?
Me: Of course, What is it?
My Friend: I think I have MS.....
Me:........*Silence*..........
My Friend: No really, I'm sure, I'm really sick this time.......
Me: What happened to your skin cancer??
My friend: I went to three dermatology specialists they said it a mole.
Me:.....Three specialists!!
My Friend: I didn't believe the first two.....
Me: So what makes you think you have MS?
My Friend: I have this funny feeling in my foot when I have been sitting down for a while....
Me: Erm...That's called pins and needles.....
My Friend: No, I'm sure its MS, do you think my boyfriend will look after me when I'm sick?......
Me: Have you been on NHS Direct again???
My Friend: No!!
Me: Google???....
My Friend: ....Maybe....Why am I always dying???

Internet dating....Why I didn't call back....

The Science Guy: We met at Kro Bar.... You were late, when you arrived you didn't apologise and just sat down. You made out my job was pointless....."Why be a nurse when you could be the Doctor" you said. When I tried to explain you started looking around the room uninterested. When you talked, it was all about you.....Your job, how much you earn, how clever you are, where you live, the list was endless...... From what I could tell you spin things around in a big machine all day.......Thrilling I'm sure.


The Army Guy: We met in a Pub..... You were 10 foot tall, I was up to your crotch....perfect for you, not so thrilling for me. You kept interrupting me with statements like "You have beautiful eyes" Cornie, but OK at first.....but quickly grew old. You got upset/aggressive when I told you how off putting it was after you said "You're so hot" when I was talking about something completely unrelated to my hotness. You got jealous when some random bloke looked down my top and almost started a fight with him......Oh and you got wasted.

The Fat Guy: We met in Starbucks, you were lovely but in your profile picture you were hot..... In reality, not the case. We had lots in common, you had obviously made a big effort, but you were popping out your trousers, your shirt didn't fit and I couldn't help but notice the outline of your ball sack through your trousers!.....My eyes bled.
You told me you liked your women "clean" What did you mean my that???.....You were lovely conversion (but I didn't fancy you) You made me laugh (but I didn't fancy you) You walked me to the bus stop (but I didn't fancy you) You text me to say you had I lovely time (I felt guilty and vain for not fancying you).......You were the best internet date I had, maybe I should have called you back??????

Boys, have you ever wondered what girls talk about?.......Please don't!

When I read these text messages back to myself I laughed out loud, I'm sure it will provide hours of piss taking in the future! Oh, may I just add, my friend and I am young, intelligent, hot, professional women! No arguments! lol.........

Me: Did you ring me before? Not sure if I dreamt it!

My Friend: You dreamt it bird! Although I cut my nipple on my razor before and am now convinced I am destined to develop breast cancer because you told me it can be brought on by trauma!

Me: Erm......How did you manage to cut your nipple with a razor? What the hell were you doing?

My Friend: Shaving my nipple hair of course! Don't pretend you don't do that!

Me: How do I tell you this????.....I don't! Although I do have a random pube that insists on growing above my belly button! (Do you really have nipple hair??)

My Friend: Yes, now I don't wanna see that on your blog!

Me: Ha, Ha, you have had me inspecting my nipples now!......Nope no hair!......It's official you're a freak of nature!

Dude, Where's my gun?

It always amuses me what I see at the entrance to work, most people see the same people doing the same thing every day, they might even say “Morning”…......No not me…...This is the NHS after all……

Monday: Random dude asleep in his wheelchair……Can of “Stella” spilling on his pants....

Tuesday: Woman sat on the floor at the entrance confusing the electric doors, big “no smoking area” signs painted on the floor in big red letters, cigarette in hand, legs strategically covering the “No”…..Genius....

Wednesday: Random crazy, sat in the smoking shelter talking to himself very loudly…. Mental health care worker sat beside him..... on her mobile phone.

Thursday: Prostitute kicking her pimp’s car calling him a “F**king ugly c**t”…..So naturally he tries to run her over....

Friday: Three dudes sitting in a line smoking, all in wheelchairs.... “No smoking area” clearly marked. One guy with one leg, one guy with no legs & one guy with one arm.....

Silence is deadly!

Hmm…..Why is it that I always seem to have those really uncomfortable silences during work social events? Why is it that some people have no problem blabbering on about nothing yet I am constantly stuck with the scary question “What do I say?” Don’t you just hate those moments when the other person plays with their knife and fork, tries to earwig another conversion, pretends to text or just plainly stares around the room? Why is it in these situations I always have the urge to say something inappropriate to shock them from their semi slumber?

Do I scare the hell out of them by telling them personal details like....How I shave my big toes because they are too hairy? Do I tell them about my traumatic experience of finding my first grey and how I managed to say out loud “Oh my god is that a grey?!” whilst in Dorothy Perkins changing rooms only to have the lady in the next cubicle say “You poor love, its all downhill from here!” Do I tell them how the offending grey or offending grey’s new friend “Grey number two” were then spotted by a friend who offered to pull it out, or do I tell them how I plan to spend my Sunday afternoon searching for the greys in order to banish them so I can return to being a 27 year old brunette minus two grey hairs?............... No, I say none of these things...... instead I talk about work, Thrilling!

Why does stuff like this always happen me??.......

It all started when I planned to go and spend the afternoon in the park, donning shorts and a summer goddess look, off I went with my picnic blanket, book, sunglasses, sun cream and bottle off water and found a nice shady spot out of the sun and settle down to read my book…….

Two hours later I awoke to find the pages of said book stuck to the side of my face with now dry drool….After a quick look round to check no one had seen my Waynette Slob impression, it occurred to me that my legs were a bit red and I had forgotten to put on sun cream. So I thought it was better to get out the sun altogether. When I got home I located a bottle of “Tan prolonging after sun” and happily slapped it all over the back of my legs and thought nothing of it. Off I went into public places with various friends for the rest of the afternoon..….giggling about how bad my legs looked and admiring how they were turning brown already (obviously due to my great skin.)

When I got home, having noticed my legs now looked half tangoed, I had a second look at the bottle……..In the smallest ever letters under the “Tan prolonging after sun” it said “contains self tan”.....

I have attempted to make my legs look the same colour all over by putting the “after sun/tanning lotion” all over my legs but now I look like a tangoed mess……..I hate fake tan for a reason......Now where are my trousers???